Confessions

186.6 lbs. yesterday and today.  PLATEAU BROKEN!  And new one established (God, I hope not)  The Red Sox lost yesterday and  today, the White Sox are in the process of beating the snot out of them.   I volunteer to do their losing for Boston this season. I am that dedicated a fan.

So, 6 day plateau broken and that was by reducing my water intake from a volume equivalent to half of Lake Superior (sans  whitefish and the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald) to 8 glasses. A friend who consumes a lot of water out of medical necessity explained the weight of water and the costs of retention. Ha! 2 more pounds and another decade mark down. I will not be denied.

When all the Rapture nonsense was getting attention, my first thought (and a selfish one it was) was “Oh, crap. I’m finally on the way to getting in shape and the world is going to end before I hit my goal weight. They don’t let fat people into heaven. That’s why Gluttony is one of the Big Seven.”  According to the latter day Oracle of Delphi (who must have been working from a lunar calendar. L’Chaim.), October 21, 2011 is when it all ends. God, that really screws up the timetable for getting to my goal weight. My second thought was, “Well, more cheese for me.”

One of the original little Asian ladies  from yoga class with the pile of designer accessories next to her mat told me I looked like I had lost a lot of weight! Yea! I almost hugged her, but she said her shoulders were bothering her. But, still…

I found it necessary to revisit the confessional.

“Bless Me, Father for I have sinned.”

“You again? Go away.”

“No, really, I need absolution.”

“You need to be Catholic to do this. Why aren’t you?”

“That whole transubstantiation thing. I don’t believe Welch’s grape juice and Pepperidge Farm bread becomes the blood and body of Christ. It’s a symbolic act.”

“Aw, Jeez…”

“What? Like you’ve got something better to do? You don’t exactly need reservations to get in here.”

“My head, I’m getting such a headache.”

“I happen to know you sit in there and do Sudoku most of the time.”

“I do not.”

“Right. It’s baseball season. You’re listening to the game in there.”

“Hey, can’t beat the reception in here.”

“Can we get to it?”

“Did you just stick a 20 through the screen?”

“It’s not a bribe if you give me a receipt. Bless me, Father…:

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, cut to the chase.”

“I cheated, Father.”

“What, another hot dog? Big whoop.”

“No, I cheated at yoga.”

“How the hell do you cheat at yoga?”

“Father! Language!”

“Just answer the question.”

“The teacher thinks I pulled off the vinyasa.”

“Is that like one of those mattress tags?”

“No, it’s a flowing series of poses to transition from one to another. You’re supposed to do a push up , then bend upward into a Up Dog.”

“And? I’m just dying from the suspense.”

“Leave the sarcasm to me, Father. I only went halfway down on the push up before I went to the Up Dog. She just saw me in the Upward Dog and congratulated me on my progress. I feel guilty.”

“Wait, so you only got halfway down on the pushup, then did the whatever?”

“Yes.”

“That’s acceptable. I used to watch Lillias! Yoga and You” on WGBH all the time. That’s not cheating.”

“But I’m not getting into the balance poses fully.”

“Well, you’re a top heavy klutz.”

“You want me to come through that screen, Father? I can take you.”

“Sorry. Lillias had a term for not fully getting into the balance poses. It’s called ‘modification.’ You do what you can. My God, that woman was limber.”

“Father!”

“Sorry. What else have you got?”

“I’ve had bad thoughts.”

“Impure thoughts, you mean? Lust?”

“Not really, Father, unless I’m watching “300”. No, I’m talking hateful thoughts.”

“HOME RUN, ANDRE ETHIER! SUCK ON IT, LINCECUM!”

“Father! Focus!”

“Hateful thoughts. I’m listening.”

“The people on their cell phones in the gym, the people wearing their funky gym clothes into the steam room…”

“I noticed your sneakers are minty fresh.”

“It’s an obsession, Father. No stinky feet. I just want to slap them all. And Axl Rose, Jillian Michaels and Ryan Reynolds.”

“Okay, Rose and Michaels, I get, but Ryan Reynolds?”

“I know. Something about him just bugs the shit out of me. “

“Really, is that all you have?”

“Well, there is one more thing…”

“How did I know?”

“I cheated with respect to food.”

“How?”

“At a Memorial Day party. I had a brownie.”

“Gluttony’s a sin, my child. One of the Big Seven. This is serious and you wasted it on a mere brownie?”

“Well, it was a special occasion, Father.  My birthday.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Get back, Loretta. Your birthday is June 1. Saturday was May 28. That was just plain cheating.”

“No, Father. This was not a mere brownie. This was a Mandicake brownie.”

“Oooh, the blondie?”

“Nonono, the dark chocolate…”

“Oh, yeah, you mean the one with the…”

“Yeah, and the…”

“Ah, I love those. How many did you scarf?”

“Just one, Father and I counted it in the food diary.”

“Anything else/”

“Two glasses of rose wine.”

“Odd combination.”

“I was channeling a couple of friends who couldn’t be at the party.”

“Ah hah! So it was your own act of communion, my child! You have not sinned!”

“What?”

“Loophole. Hey, I studied law before I entered the seminary.”

“No penance?”

“Just that Chair Pose in yoga. Hint to the wise: don’t eat Mexican before yoga class.”

You Are F***in' Kidding Me

194.6 lbs. It’ll break.

There was a woman at the gym in head to toe Ed Hardy gear. Must be a Jon Gosselin groupie.

On the way to work out, I saw something that disturbed me. A Burger King had a banner proudly proclaiming “We Now Accept EBT.” (Electronic Benefit Transfer for those who don’t know).

Food stamps. Burger King accepts food stamps. (This may be old news) Your tax dollars at work.

This is appalling to me. I was raised with the idea that fast food was a once in a while treat but here, they are actually encouraging people who could not afford it otherwise to consider it a part of the daily diet and you and I get to pay for it.  This is, in essence, a corporate subsidy at taxpayer expense. And we all know that such purchases will be a common occurrence.

Way back when, I had a boss who was a person of average intelligence (a lot of street savvy, though) and deeply-held prejudice. One day, this person wondered out loud if the reason that so many fat people were poor was because they could only afford to eat rice and pasta and cheap, fattening food.

It can be argued that people are free to use their food stamp money any way they choose within the program parameters. This is true: we’re adults and adults are free to make their own decisions, no matter how bad they may be. However, the corollary to that is that we are also accountable for the consequences of those decisions. (The attempts to dodge same is the reason America has such a plethora of lawyers). In this case, if food money is going to be spent on meals high in sodium, saturated fat, sugar, not to mention all the chemicals that go into make it taste good, then expect someone else to also pick up the tab for the health care (probably Medicaid. Chances are, if you’re eligible for food assistance, you need health care assistance, too) necessary to combat the issues created by relying on fast food as a staple.

Homework assignment: I f you haven’t already, see Morgan Spulock’s “Supersize Me” about his month on an all McDonald’s diet. This man was very healthy before he began, his weight and blood chemistry were measured (his girlfriend is a vegan chef). As a result, the then-32-year-old Spurlock gained 24½ lbs. (11.1 kg), a 13% body mass increase, a cholesterol level of 230, and experienced mood swings, sexual dysfunction, and fat accumulation to his liver. It took Spurlock fourteen months to lose the weight gained from his experiment (I took this passage from the Wikipedia article about the movie).

I don’t watch Dr. Phil. However, way back in either 2002 or 2003, the guests were an obese woman with an obese child and their lawyer. They were suing (I think McDonald’s, but I wouldn’t swear to it) because of the child’s obesity from constantly eating fast food. Mom said the kid whined and begged and pestered for it so much that she gave in and bought at least 2 meals per day there. Dr. Phil, with his usual tact and respect asked her, “Who’s the parent?” I agreed with Dr. Phil, but McDonald’s ultimately settled (I THINK this is the case, Pelman v. McDonald's Corp., 237 F. Supp. 2d 512 - Dist. Court, SD New York 2003).

And now, the taxpayers of several states get to subsidize this foolishness. And have for about a year.

I’m ignorant about what can and cannot be purchased with an EBT card. The cards can be used at farmer’s markets. Can they be used to purchase seeds, seedlings or the means of planting a garden? I have a friend who’s writing a bang-up blog on gardening on a shoestring called “OC Freedom Garden.” So far, his postings have included making your own Jiffy Pots (they’re for starting seedlings. Just reading the phrase takes me back to the earthy smell of them from when my dad had huge gardens in our backyard). I spent a lot of summers mowing, weeding, picking, canning and freezing.

I had an idea a couple of years ago, when the foreclosure mania began, that cities such as Detroit should knock down some of the abandoned properties (which they’re doing anyway) and use the space for community gardens. People could not only feed themselves, but they could barter or sell the excess. There are plenty of agricultural schools with extension programs. If we can send the Peace Corps around the world to help people make their own lives better, why can’t it be done here in the US?

I’d rather see tax money go towards Burpee’s seeds and the Home Depot gardening department than to McDonalds and Dominos (which contributes generously to anti-abortion groups. I haven’t bought Domino’s Pizza in years).

I’d rather subsidize teaching people how to fish than just buy them a Filet O’ Fish, you know?