I'm Still Here. Really

???  I have no friggin’ clue. Didn’t get on the scale this morning. Didn’t put on the blood pressure cuff.  Blew off Pilates. Let’s face it I’m off the reservation for this one.

Dr. Best worked on me Friday and applied ultrasound not only to my cranky right knee (Aw hell, the knee isn’t the only cranky part of me today) but also to the upper back and neck that hasn’t wanted to cooperate with him. I ached like I’d been thoroughly beaten from Friday night to Saturday night (and yes, I have a frame of reference for that feeling). Between the exhaustion and the pain, I mentally wrote myself a doctor’s note excusing me from gym class. Until tomorrow.

 The reason I stayed up WAAAAAAAAAAAY past my bedtime last night attending an exclusive private premier of a wonderful music video called “Go On” by Darci Monet. I got this exclusive invitation because I helped out. I will let you all know when it’s publicly available (if you’re not a fan of Darci’s already. www.darcimonent.com and she has a blog, too. I don’t know offhand if the title is “Magical Musical Messcapades of a Juicy Girl in Los Angeles,” but the phrase is in there somewhere. Google should bring it up). Anyway, I drank too much (more than 1 glass of red wine. Shock. Horror), ate bad for me food yesterday (Jack in the Box. Never a good choice). This morning, I look and feel like death on a cracker. Not hung over, just exhausted. However, I had a blast getting there. I’ll get better. I know this. Keeping that piece of information close helps my healing process. If I know I’m going to heal, I will heal faster.

If you are a regular here, you know that my staple protein is grilled chicken. One of my friends (and verbal sparring partner) is a dab hand with the spices and grill. In fact, he’s so good with the spices, he could pass for a Disney rat in a Paris restaurant. I digress. Earlier in the week, I had queried him about the idea of adding orange to balsamic for dressing/marinade purposes. We batted it around and I figured I’d experiment later. Friday, while out among civilized people, I get a phone call from said sparring partner that essentially told me I was a pain in the ass and he had just put together a marinde featuring orange zest and balsamic. As I was among civilized people (Oh, hell, who am I kidding? It’s Los Angeles  and we’re all on our cell phones whenever, wherever. However, the bank would have refused to do business with me and I had to end the call), I asked him to email the recipe. He did, the email subject line said “Annoyed Sigh” and thus Annoyed Sigh Marinade was born (he call it it whatever the hell he likes in his little fiefdom. In my world, it’s Annoyed Sigh Marinade). Orange zest, honey, garlic, fresh ginger, smoked paprika,  balsamic vinegar, olive oil. I am throwing it in the George Foreman shortly and will report back.

The down side to zesting oranges is the grating process. It is inevitable that manicures/fingernails will get messed up and I have a hard time growing a healthy set in the first place. But, my hands smell fantastic. By the way, it is a DAMNED GOOD marinade. Grill the chicken (boneless skinless breast), slice it up, throw some raspberries (or other berries) onto salad greens and some sliced almonds, add chicken and juices, feast.

I will see about annoying the sparring partner into working with apple cider vinegar and honey on a couple of variations. This particular combo has long been a folk remedy in the Northeast for a lot of ailments and there are even studies backing up the health benefits. More on that later.

Even though I haven’t been reporting in, I have been keeping faith with the exercise program. Still can’t successfully execute a Tree in yoga class, but I can manage a full Lotus, Dolphin (Downward Dog with your forearms flat on the floor. More challenging than Down Dog) and I’m even getting off my knee off the ground in Crescent.  This is evidence of increased strength/health. My right knee, however, has made it clear that cardio is not such a good idea. It will be.

Of course, me being the shallow bitch that I am with respect to my weight loss project, I want to see the number on the bathroom scale go down. I haven’t.. It’s been bobbing around the 180 lb. mark for 2 months and that’s too damned long in my book. My fault, really: I let sugar and starch back into my diet and they have shown that they are not friendly to my body. Plus, I’m finding that once the sugar is in, it creates an addiction cycle in me. One of the toughest things in the world is to break a cycle, especially one that’s on a downward trajectory (gravity isn’t just a theory, unless you ask various politicians). The semi-easy part is recognizing that you’re on such a trajectory. Applying the brakes?  A wee bit tougher.

There is the expression, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” (The variation: “Where’s there a will, there’s a dead guy.”) I had PLENTY of will back when I started this project. There was no challenge to resisting temptations. I still have will, but it’s just not to the same level it was and that’s leading to the downward spiral. Not being a fan of getting dizzy, it’s time to stop the spiral.

There is the school of thought that you have to be happy with what you have (or where you are) in order to attract more of what you want. It’s a challenge when you have expectations and they’re not being met. It’s a challenge when you feel you look great or healthier, but you’re not getting external validation (the reflection back from a different kind of mirror).

I guess I need to refocus and be my own mirror. And like the reflection. Hey, my reflection has gotten far more flexible since January. Now, if only it could do a pushup….

I Downward Dog Dare You

187.8 lbs. Where’s that dynamite? I was THIS CLOSE to 184.6 (40 down) and I will not be denied.

You can tell a woman is not serious about her upcoming workout when she arrives at the gym wearing as much makeup as a toddler beauty pageant contestant. Today, I saw such a woman.

Checking my diary entries from the last time I had a spike plus plateau combination, it took a day or two for things to get back on track.

Don’t tell Torquemada, but I’m cheating today: I only did yoga, no hour of cardio. HA!

Since tomorrow’s going to be another monster weight training day, I figured I could slack a little bit. Only  a little bit. Part of it was a number of errands that needed to be done, part was an experiment. I’ve been frustrated with my lack of balance. I don’t expect to pass for a Cirque du Soleil performer, but I would like to see or feel a difference, you know?

Tuesday’s class, Lila had us to a shoulder stand. If you’re a kid and goofing around on the lawn with your sisters or friends, this is the one where you’re on your back and you bring your legs up and over your head, so basically, you’re ass over teakettle with your feet on the ground over your head, but since you’re 9 years old and hopped up on Kool Aid, it’s hilarious.

Not so much when you’re closing on 50. Doing it the yoga way, I couldn’t get my legs over my head. Before class started today, I thought I’d give it a shot the old fashioned way: just whip my legs over my head. I’m here to tell you that I didn’t harm myself and I could get my legs back there. I will not be doing it again though, because due to the presence of the Great White Belly and the White Mountains, I nearly suffocated. Oh sure, you don’t think about it when you’re sitting upright, but when you bop yourself in the face with your own tits and belly…

You get the idea.

There was some progress, though. My shoulders still get tired with holding arms up and/or out, but it takes a bit longer. My upper back rebels against sitting up straight for too long, but the time period before I feel the muscles start to complain is getting longer. I was told I have nice looking legs (not by a guy. They don’t notice. I am invisible to the masculine eye). All the cardio and leg presses are paying off. If only GWB would shape up as quickly…

When we got to the sun salutation, there was the transition from Downward Dog to Plank and then the option of going back to Downward Dog (which is hands in front of you, butt in the air and trying to get your feet flat on the floor. If you can do that, you are quite stretched and flexible) to Plank (which is hands under shoulder and a long sloping line from your head back to your feet, butt below rib cage) and then there are two roads back to Downward Dog: either go directly to it by pushing back (do not pass Go, do not collect $200) or do the vinyasa: from Plank, do a push-up, then bend into Cobra (legs straight out behind you on the floor, back is arched and arms/hands pushing torso off the floor). No belly flopping allowed and Lila has pre-emptively told me to take the modification and just go straight to Down Dog from Plank. Now, I THOUGHT that it was necessary to go all the way down to the floor on the move from Plank to Cobra. HOWEVER, I saw Lila do one and she only went halfway down. HA! I CAN DO THAT! I CAN GO HALFWAY DOWN ON A PUSHUP! (Don’t expect me to come back up; it ain’t happenin’) So, as we got to the right point in the next Sun Salutation, (drumroll, if you please) I TOOK THE VINYASA. You should have seen the look on Lila’s face when she saw me in Cobra. The push up was not graceful and pretty, but damn it, I got it done. Yeah, Boy! And Lila told me it was magnificent. That made up for damned near offing myself with a boob up the nose (Seriously, I know we all have to go some time, but I’d prefer not to end up as a Darwin Award).

Without the hour of cardio before class (I usually give myself about 15 minutes in between cardio and yoga), I actually could hold a Tree Pose (before class) without a lot of shaking. It was a brief, shining moment, but I could hold it and hold it steady. Part of the issue with balance is the need for an extra mat under my yoga mat. With the screwed up kneecap, I need to put padding between it and the floor. Not so good for staying steady on one foot. On the bare floor, I did all right. It’ll come, I keep telling myself.

Chair Pose (or Fierce) aka the Methane Torpedo Tube was a bit easier. I pushed myself to go a little lower in the squat (butt clenched against disturbing the tranquil atmosphere. Never eat Mexican before yoga). My shoulders gave up before the core and leg muscles did. This is an improvement. I’ll take it.

I feel a bit restless for not having pounded out an hour on the elliptical or Rotating Staircase of Death or the treadmill and that’s okay.  For future reference, do the exercises requiring strength before you’ve exhausted your muscles with cardio. That may seem like common sense, but I tend to learn things the hard way.

Like it’s better to keep your nose above your boobs.