A Girl's Best Friend Is Her Crock Pot

Nope, still haven’t been on the scale in a couple of days. Deal with it.

To the “gentleman” following me around on the circuit today: grunting and wheezing like an asthmatic water buffalo is not appealing. Neither is smelling like one. Please have the courtesy to at least rub a dryer sheet on yourself or hang a pine tree air freshener around your neck  if you’re allergic to bathing/laundry. For the good of mankind.

I think we can all agree that ads for food are coming at us from all angles all the time. TV, the sides of buses, signs along the road, radio, pretty much anywhere you can fit the message. Mostly, it is for processed food and I include fast food in that category (it’s been processed when you get to it). The ads that bug me are ones for frozen or “just add water and some meat” dinners or takeout that basically promise to heal your fractured family just by all of you sitting down over a steaming hot dish of hydrogenated oil, chemical preservatives, modified food starch and high fructose corn syrup.  And sodium. LOTS of sodium.

There’s also an ad for car insurance where the announcer describes a young woman driving a new car (and checking herself out in the rear view mirror) as being on a “ramen noodle every night budget.” You know, if you have to cut your food budget like that to accommodate the costs of maintaining a car, you can’t afford the car. Do yourself a favor: turn in the car, get yourself sneakers and a bus pass and stop poisoning yourself with the crappy food. You can always make more money, but it’s a long, hard, rocky road to rebuild ruined health. You can trust me:  I’m doing the legwork.

On the “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” DVD, there is an “extra” called the “10 Minute Cooking School” where Robert Rodriguez demonstrates making coquinita pibil, a slow cooked pork dish that Johnny Depp’s character loved. Mr. Rodriguez makes the point that you are going to be eating the rest of your life; it makes sense to learn how to cook so you can feed yourself.

By the time I was 13, I could prepare baked chicken, a salad (Mom made the homemade French dressing) and dump frozen vegetables into water to reheat them for dinner (hence my lifelong aversion to mushy broccoli).

We live in challenging times and while we’re overworked, overscheduled and stressed, the smart play is to prepare meals at home. “But,” you say, “I don’t have time.  I’m too tired when I get home, I can’t even think.” And, just because you think you have me stumped, “I don’t know how to cook.”

Oh, really? Can’t cook. Hmm. Wouldn’t it be great if there were resources available to walk you through the process? Those big, paper things called “books” or websites that had recipes or…

www.getdish.wordpress.com.  Tony Rocco Spatafora (I love the fact that his middle name is Rocco) can show you how to make easy, great food. In fact, he’s got a series of videos on YouTube (that you can get to through the upper right hand side of his blog) that teach you how to prepare fish, lamb (with special guest star Charlene Tilton) and working with garlic (I am one of garlic’s biggest fans). He’ll  also entertain you in the process.                

“Okay, great for the weekends,” you say. “But what about the rest of the week?”

If you can measure ingredients, you can make soup. And with a Crock Pot (what so proudly I hail), you can SAFELY start your dinner before you leave for work and have it ready when you come home brain dead. Don’t like soup? How about chili? Spaghetti sauce? Chicken cacciatore (the little booklet that comes with a Rival crock pot has great recipes in it)? Pot roast?  I have made that coquinita pibil in the crock pot (once, not  completely successfully, but now that I know where to get sour orange juice, I may have another go at it). The beauty part is that you can make enough to have leftovers for a couple of days or even take a really good lunch (pretty much every workplace has a kitchenette with a microwave or two. Have Lysol wipes handy because, for some reason I’ve yet to discover, American workers seem to think their moms have followed them to work and are on hand to clean up after them) and SAVE MONEY. Crock Pots were introduced during the 1970s and part of the initial pitch, during a time of inflation and energy crisis, was that it only cost “pennies a day” to make meals with a Crock Pot (in terms of the electricity they use).  So you have to chop up some vegetables (unless you cheat and use the frozen mixed vegetables – carrots, peas, lima beans, corn – that every grocery store carries in the Green Giant and Birdseye brands as well as their house label. And more and more places have the aromatic veggies: carrots, celery and onions, pre-diced so you don’t even have to do that) and open a couple of cans of tomatoes to dump in the pot. Cost benefit analysis? For the “cost” (a little planning, some chopping, remembering to plug in the Crock Pot – don’t laugh), the benefit is off the hook: healthy food, seasoned to your taste and enough of it to stretch over a couple of meals if you share, or days if you don’t . You can’t amortize a box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese like that ($1.69 for powdered chemicals and “processed cheese food.” What IS that?) like that and the mac & cheese doesn’t have the same spectrum of nutrients that a pot of homemade soup would (Beef, veggies, seasonings or chicken, veggies, beans, seasoning).

You could roast a chicken on Sunday and stretch that into sandwiches, chicken salad and have a carcass to make chicken stock (which freezes BEAUTIFULLY and is so useful to have in the kitchen. Save the $2.99 it costs for a container of Swanson’s chicken stock). Here’s your first cooking lesson: stock comes from bones, broth comes from meat.  Make a note.

Lasagne: again a “make on Sunday and have leftovers” dish. Put it to you this way: would you rather  shell out  $7 or $8 for a pan of Stouffer’s lasagne or would you rather warm up something that you made with your own hands from fresh ingredients, no weird unpronounceable chemicals and it’s shaded to your tastes? (Lasagna is a single noodle. Lasagne is the whole pan. Make a note).

What you get from preparing your own food, besides better food and more money in your pocket, is a sense of accomplishment that you don’t get from browning beef, dumping a packet of “flavoring” on it, adding dehydrated potatoes and water and simmering for 20 minutes. Losing yourself in the preparation of a dish can actually be a great stress reliever and a great opportunity to bond if you’re working with someone else. That’s what the instant meals are promising, but not quite delivering: the shared experience of fulfilling a basic need as a team.

In my current living situation, I don’t have a full-on kitchen. I have a microwave, two burner stovetop (for Brussels Sprouts because I can only eat those fuckers if I’ve pan roasted them with bacon), Crock Pot and George Foreman grill. (Luckily, I have a full-sized fridge). I just baked a couple of sweet potatoes in the microwave: you pierce them all over with a fork or a knife (take out some of the anger that your idiot boss caused you. For the record, I do not have an idiot boss on my present job. Previously, though, I could tell you a tale…) and toss them in the microwave for 10 minutes. They will be cooked all the way through and internally fluffy (You heard me: “fluffy”) and you can then dress them up as you wish and eat. The only effort was punching holes in them.  Low glycemic food, healthy flavonoids, high fiber and in the yellow spectrum of vegetables. Throw some pumpkin pie spice on them and you get the added benefits from cinnamon (blood sugar control). Actually, if you’re making coffee, throw some pumpkin pie spice in with the grounds before brewing. You’re welcome.

If you can master a few basic techniques: roasting, chopping, sautéing , grilling for example, you have opened up a world of possibilities to not only feed yourself to your satisfaction, but to also impress other people. Think about it: your office is throwing a potluck. What gets the better reception: the sandwiches that someone picked up from the deli or the pot of homemade chili that someone brought in? Or having your friends over for a backyard grilling fest? (I did not say barbecue as there are pros who have worked hard to teach me the difference between grilling and barbecue)

You’ve begun dating someone; it’s always VERY impressive if you prepare a meal for the two of you (and it’s certainly cheaper than dining out. Think government is too big? How deeply does it reach into your pocket every time you dine out? Restaurant taxes tend to be higher than sales tax), especially if it’s your sweetie’s favorite. Let’s say things progress to meeting families: if you can prove to potential in-laws that you are capable of feeding your significant other (and willing to do so), it goes a long way towards acceptance.

So, check out “Dish It Out!” I don’t know if Tony takes requests (“Hey, Spats, can you teach us how to…?”) but it certainly can’t hurt to ask.

Shout Out to Sprouts

187 lbs. Oh yeah, BIG step backwards. However, I am back on the REAL HCG protocol (not the crap they sell at GNC. It’s chocolate mint flavored, but still…). I can feel the difference.

I got back to the gym today for the first time in a few days and, as one may expect in January, it was crowded. There were the usual faces (Hey, when you’re dedicated, you’re dedicated) and a whole bunch of red, sweaty new faces puffing away on the treadmills and ellipticals.  If you’re one of them: good for you. STICK WITH IT. If you find you’re working above your level, dial it back a bit until you improve your strength/endurance and then push a little harder. DON’T GIVE UP. Okay, so you can’t do 20 pushups. That’s okay, ALL YOU CAN DO IS WHAT YOU CAN DO AND THAT’S ALL YOU NEED TO DO.

If you made a New Year’s resolution to lose weight and/or improve health, don’t forget the eating component. Some of those red, sweaty faces may have left the gym and gone around the corner to the brand new Chik Fil A for a combo meal. Here’s the thing: if you’re going to make the effort, the smart move is to support it. I’m not talking about encouragement from those around you (and really, you should be your own cheering section. More on that in a bit), but about intake.

Part of health improvement/maintenance depends on the food you put in the body. Unfortunately, the really affordable stuff does nothing for you except to keep you from feeling hungry for a period of time (that would be ramen noodles). It also has the potential to wreck your health: high sodium, chemical shortcuts used to make the “food” cheaper and other means of maintaining/squeezing profits best not examined too closely. I strongly suggest reading “Food, Inc.” and seeing “Supersize Me.” You’ll never touch another Chicken McNugget.

Ideally, the argument goes, we should be eating organic, local and fresh as often as possible. However, there is a reason the biggest chain selling “health” foods is also known as “Whole Paycheck.” In their defense, though, I’ve found that their prices for apples were lower than Ralph’s: $2.29 per pound v. $2.49.  (For those outside the Southern California region, I’m speaking of local grocery chains. Outside of the Southland, Ralph’s is Krogers).  

Doing a little “on the fly” grocery shopping this weekend to prepare for the Reduced Calorie phase of HCG, I found a delightful surprise: Sprouts Market (or Henry’s. Six of one, half dozen of the other) is considerably lower in price on the foods I was buying. Even lower than my beloved Trader Joe’s. Apples were $.99 per pound. That’s 61% lower than Ralph’s. Trader Joe’s has been selling cucumbers for $1.49 each. Sprouts has them for $.49 each or 67% lower.  This is fresh produce, stuff that’s good for your body and it’s AFFORDABLE. Cucumbers are full of lignans that are linked to reduced risk of cardiovascular disease and cancer. They are also full of anti-inflammatory compounds. All this for less than 50 cents! Such a deal!

I haven’t even mentioned the great prices on oranges and grapefruit (pink grapefruit is a beautiful thing).

I have the circular advertising (until February 2012) ground buffalo for $7.99 per pound. It’s leaner than beef, lower calorie and higher in iron. Normally, if you go to Whole Foods, the price per pound is nearly double that of Sprouts.

Sprouts even has the beef shanks necessary for making Gram Thatcher's vegetable soup and for less than Whole Foods. So, the next time I get a request to make it, I know where to go.

I use flavored liquid stevia as a sweetening alternative for my coffee. Whole Foods: $13.99 per bottle. Sprouts: $8.99 per bottle.

Sprouts also has a pretty good selection of health and beauty aids at good prices. Same stuff as Whole Foods (Jason, Dermae, etc.) for half to one-third the price.

I had considered spending a month doing my grocery shopping at the 99 Cent Store to see if one could get good, healthy food. However, someone has beaten me to the punch: http://the99centchef.blogspot.com/ .  This is one I’ll follow with considerable interest.

One of my friends told me about a conversation she had with a third friend where they were discussing my weight loss. The third friend kept asking who I was losing the weight for and couldn’t grasp the idea that I wasn’t doing this for anyone but me.  

I periodically post my progress (alliteration! English majors will get that) on Facebook and I will see a whole bunch of “Likes” on the status. I share the progress because I feel elated and that I’m achieving something. I post to share the good feeling and only to share the good feeling. Even if the comments were “Shut up, Bitch” or “So what, you’re still fat”, I’d still hit the gym 6 days a week and do what I’m doing. I like the routine I’ve established (the right knee doesn’t share my enthusiasm. It’s achy right now, but I don’t see Dr. Best for a few weeks because, and this is ironic, he had to have knee surgery at the end of December). I like the friends I’ve made there (Fucktard notwithstanding. He was screaming at someone else the other day). If I didn’t believe in what I was doing, I wouldn’t continue doing it, even if everybody I knew was telling me to stick with it. They aren’t inside my skin and my head. I’m doing this for me. At the end of the day, it’s just me.

So, if you’re one of the red, sweaty faces at the gym and you are DETERMINED to make this stick, be your own cheering section. And wipe off the elliptical before I get on it.

Cost Benefit Analysis

178.4 lbs. NOT A BLOODY WORD!!!!! It was the South that was supposed to rise again, not my GD weight!

2 lbs. spike after Sunday (well, I was sure of the spike, just not the amount. We could start a pool on these things). Pizza is the Devil’s creation; you heard it here first. However, the spike decided to hang around. Bastard.

After last night’s attempt to get in a full workout (notice the use of the word “attempt.” Its presence implies that I was not successful) at the later 7-8 PM hour, I was reminded of a joke by Steven Wright (Great deadpan BOSTON comedian). One of his lines: “I got arrested for scalping low numbers at a deli. I got 50 bucks for a 3.” There were LINES for the more popular machines and I could see myself with a velvet rope and a clipboard saying, “I’m sorry, you’re not on the list” and quietly accepting a twenty to admit them. I could make a fortune.

Please explain to me, why, more than 30 years after graduating high school (I have the dated diploma to prove it), I am still subjected to adolescent attitudes and behavior from people who also have high school in the rear view mirror. Case in point, last night, I saw an open machine, hopped on and started to work. I was then subjected to a prolonged stink eye from the friend of the woman who was on the machine next to me. Apparently, they wanted to work their thighs side by side and I thwarted that ambition. No, she wasn’t standing by the machine when I got on; nobody was near it who could make a legitimate claim to being next in line (I would have yielded. I’m not an asshole). Nope. She just glared at me; didn’t ask to “work in” or otherwise share the machine. She just went the passive aggressive route and stared. Sorry, kids, but you are rank amateurs compared to the manipulators who trained me. Ask me directly, I’ll cooperate and then some, if feasible. Use hints or body English or guilt, sorry, no hablo. I had my fill of that bullshit during the first 40 years of my life.

But that’s not why we’re here tonight.

A dear friend wryly observed the other day (during a Harry Potter and Satan’s snack marathon. Did I mention that pizza is evil? Write that down) that the Universe was teaching her lessons in “extreme frugality” and we compared notes on the challenges of nutritious, healthy eating on half a shoestring.

What it comes down to is this: When you have to choose how to spend a limited amount of money on food, whether you’re aware of it or not, you’re making the decision as to which has the higher priority: your money or your health.

Since this is my blog, you get my opinion: I will go with my health.

Part of it is that I’ve been working too damned hard to undo the good I’ve done by embarking on a lousy diet simply because the crappy food is more plentiful. Ramen noodles abound but 1) the noodles are made from wheat and the gluten will have an adverse effect on my system and 2) the sodium from the bouillon packet will screw up my body chemistry as well. Sure, the meal costs pennies, but I can’t afford the other costs: bloating, elevated blood pressure, skin issues, sinus infections. The 59 cents spent on the meal is more than offset by the costs of medicine needed to correct the side effects (Sudafed, cortisone cream, etc.). Pass.

Organic food costs more than conventionally grown. Cost benefit analysis: some folks will go with the conventionally grown because the food dollar will go further and the organic generally isn’t as pretty. Other folks will buy less organic with the same because the cost THEY don’t want to pay is that of the possible effects of pesticides and fertilizer on their body chemistry and also believe that the organic is more nutritious (No judgment or opinion on that one from this corner. I’ve heard the arguments for pro and con).

I am also more likely to buy meat or vegetables rather than starch. Starch may be a LOT cheaper and more filling, but my unscientific opinion is that I get a better benefit from the protein or the veggies.

(Again, flogging My Net Diary. After Angry Birds and Fruit Ninja, the best money I’ve ever spent on a phone app) Since I’m recording everything I eat and weighing and measuring in order to get the calorie count accurate, portion control has become my ally. Years ago, in this kind of situation before (Yeah, it’s taken this long to learn), I would give in to panicked eating and wipe out the food stores I had in short order. (For the record, I’ve never starved) Now, the food is getting stretched because I want to stay within my calorie budget.  I have grilled chicken breast from Fresh & Easy. I weigh out 100 grams at a time, whether I’m blending it with lettuce for a simple salad (I’ve become very meticulous about getting in my green vegetables) or brown rice, ground garlic and green beans or some other green vegetable for a quickie rice bowl. The 100 grams is a habit from the HCG protocol where your 2 meals per day consist of 100 grams of protein, 2 cups of a vegetable, a fruit and Blue Diamond Nut Thins (my choice because – say it with me – it’s gluten free). It may not sound like much, but 100 grams will fuel you pretty nicely. A package of that chicken costs $5.49, I get 4 meals from it this way.

A couple of weeks ago, I was feeling prosperous and beef-deprived, so I bought a package of frozen Kobe beef burgers from Trader Joe’s (and doesn’t My Net Diary scream at me about saturated fat). 1 patty is 660 calories. I also have a bag of brown rice pasta and a jar of Trader Joe’s organic marinara. I grilled a patty on my George Foreman  (and was amazed at the amount of fat that ran off, but that’s why I cooked it on the Foreman), broke it up into crumbles and added half the patty to 2 cups of cooked pasta and a half cup of sauce. By dividing THAT in half, I have two meals, 400 calories each and the pasta is filling. American chop suey or goulash or whatever you want to call it. Comfort food at a somewhat healthier level.

I drink a lot of water and I generally buy bottled water, including highly alkaline water at $2.00 a gallon. This is not as extravagant as it might seem because the price of bottled water is just about there.  I paid $2.29 for a gallon of bottled water from Trader Joe’s when I  bought the beef. The Trader Joe’s in Tarzana has a bottle filling station that costs $.39 per gallon for reverse osmosis (very highly filtered) water. However, this week, even that was a bit too much. I don’t like the taste of Los Angeles tap water. However, water is 90% of what I drink (the rest is iced tea). I grabbed my bottles, filled them out of the tap and stuck them in the fridge. You know what? Chilled, LA tap water isn’t so bad. America has the best, safest drinking water in the world and it is incredibly abundant and cheap. And I’m hydrated.

If you’ve seen “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” (you love Johnny Depp, don’t you? It’s the eyes and the cheekbones, I know) and remember it, there’s the moment when our hero, Charlie Bucket, is torn between cashing in the Golden Ticket himself and having the adventure of 10 lifetimes or selling it to help out his impoverished family (Charlie’s a nice kid). Charlie’s Grandpa George hauls the kid to his side and says, “There’s plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there’s only five of them in the whole world and that’s all there’s ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?”

Money comes. It always does. Maybe not as thick and fast and immediate as we’d like when we’re really scared financially, but it does show up. Like Grandpa George says, “There’s plenty out there.” Good health, on the other hand, once gone is not quite so easily re-established. I’ve done the research.

My momma didn’t raise no dummies.