You Want a Side of Slaw With That Hubris?

For right now, screw the scale.

My late father was fond of saying to me, “Judge not lest ye be judged yourself.” Of course, this was usually followed by a list of my shortcomings, but that’s beside the point. As you know from reading this, I have been working on improving my health since last year and cleaning up/improving the diet has been a huge component of that. In fact, according to various sources, a healthy diet of nutritious food is more important than exercise (although you do need to get off your butt every now and then.  (Give your couch the day off).  To this end, I have adopted the Paleo way of eating: meats, fruits, veggies, nuts. No sugar, no grains, no processed foods.
Got it? Okay.
Now, I work at a job with assigned seating and fairly close quarters. We are allowed to snack at our desks and, as previously stated, I have gotten comments about the bags  of baby carrots and raw almonds and grapes I bring to work. I have also commented on the breakfast potluck that happens every Friday. And I have commented that I like bacon.
Got that? You’re still with me. Good.
The company has been  providing lunch for us for the past three weeks on Fridays. I’ve worked around the sugar and grain components pretty successfully (trading cookies for fruit. I get melon; I win).
I discussed the bacon briefly yesterday with one of my seatmates who said that he didn’t eat pork “because of what pigs eat.” I tried to tell him that there is organic, pasture-fed pork as there is organic, pasture-fed beef but he wasn’t interested. Fine.
Today, the company brought in Panda Express for us today and the choices were orange chicken or beef with broccoli. I collected my beef with broccoli and sat at my desk to eat it (I picked around the fried rice and lo mein noodles for the beef and vegetables. Okay, I ate the egg roll. My scalp is all broken out, so I’m paying for that particular sin). The seatmate looks over.
“Did you get chicken?”
“No, I took the beef.” (Chicken in orange sauce is 1) coated in a flour-based batter, 2) deep-fried and 3) drowned in orange-flavored sugar syrup).
He looked disapproving. “Beef is bad for you.”
WHAT? “No, it isn’t.”
“It causes problems. You should have gotten the chicken.”
(Jaw clenched) “No, there is nothing wrong with the beef.”
He wouldn’t back down. “It takes your body longer to break it down. You should have gotten the checkn.”
ARE YOU MOTHER-FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT?
Let me clue you in on the food cop here:
He is a nice man and knows the job we’re doing forwards, backwards and sideways. Since A) I sit next to him and that isn’t going to change and B) I do need his expertise, I was not about to tear him a new asshole.
Unfortunately, even the nicest of people need the social equivalent of one of those shock collar and invisible fence combinations every now and then.  I hope this doesn’t turn into one of those cases.
For starters, Judge Fed is about 6’ 2” and weighs over 300 lbs. himself. I bring in snacks. He brings in snacks. That’s where the similarities end.
Understand: this guy is telling me how I should eat. This morning’s potluck breakfast (which I didn’t eat) was fried chicken and waffles (as well as scrambled eggs with cheese and other additives). He had waffles, eggs and doubled down on large hunks of fried chicken.
As I said, I pull out carrots, raw almonds, cucumber pieces, dried or fresh fruit for snacks. He has: Nature Valley granola bars (loaded with sugar), crackers and Jif peanut butter, fruit roll-ups. Oh yeah: his morning ritual is a small cup of oatmeal, but during his morning break, he usually heads down to the café for a breakfast wrap with a side of tater tots.
I drink coffee, tea or water (mostly water). He downs a large Gatorade: not the sugar-free kind (regular Gatorade is loaded with high fructose corn syrup).  And soda.
This guy is sedentary. In addition to the large body, he has no muscle tone to indicate that he exercises.
And he feels free to pass judgment on what I’m eating and whether I should be eating it.
Oh, I forgot: he gets in on the afternoon root beer floats that get distributed to the potluck participants.
Running side by side with “Judge not lest ye be judged” is “live and let live.” Now, I have watched this guy shovel quantities of crappy processed food into his “overfed pie hole” (a Facebook commenter) and held my tongue except to offer to share my snacks with him (I did try one of his Blue Diamond habanero barbecue almonds. Tasty, but loaded with sugar and other stuff I don’t want to eat).  He feels hot most of the time; I know because he constantly needs to fan himself. According to another Facebook commenter, this is common with larger people due to additional insulation. I get hot, but that’s menopause.
And he got the orange chicken. That was two meals in one day of battered, deep-fried chicken with ample side starch. I haven’t seen dining like that since Morgan Spurlock and “Super Size Me.”
Like I said, this is a nice man and I need to get along with him because we sit and work together. That’s why he didn’t go home with his still-beating heart in his lunchbox.
Look, if you want to criticize what I’m eating, you’d better look like this before you open your gob:

If I wanted this kind of hypocritical bullshit, there is a small group of people with whom I’d reconnect. Hell, they’ve got a forty year head start on trying to make me feel small, bad and guilty over my appearance and health habits while indulging in alcohol, tobacco, over-eating and sedentary lifestyles themselves.
And, as a corollary to my “If you’re not going to make changes, do not bitch to me about how shitty you feel” rule, there is the “deeds, not words” rule aka “talk is cheap.”  You’d better be looking and living the part before you tell me how wrong I am in my approach to health.
Or you may get a hunk of fried chicken up your nose.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

181.8 lbs, but…

This post is a photo essay of progress (covered up for the most part. I don’t have suitable shorts for working out and wasn’t about to strip in the middle of a commercial gym). The intended body shots to show definition and fat loss didn’t turn out as planned, so it’s mostly “I couldn’t do this on this date last year.”

Warrior I Pose: You  can sort of see the definition in my legs. Pay no attention to the Great White Belly (except to note how much smaller the area directly below the bra band is. It's like gentrification putting the squeeze on bad neighborhoods. At night, when it's VERY quiet, I hear this tiny, faint voice crying "I

m melting"). The butt is looking pretty good. Even naked (which only a select few will get to see and you aren't it).

I AM ACTUALLY HOLDING UP MY OWN WEIGHT, DOING A PUSHUP. Last year at this time, not no way, not no how (another "Wizard of Oz" reference), even though I'd already shed over 20 lbs. from the Jan. 31, 2011 reading). You get a better look at the hamstring, calf and gluteus definition. And the arms. Shoulders are more defined, but you can't really see it here.

This is Downward Dog (before class, so I was still kind of stiff and not really warmed up). My heels are parallel to the floor (I'm on a double mat because I need the padding for my right knee) which means the hamstrings and calves are stretched. You can see the arms are toned and there's some shape to the back that is not squishy adipose tissue. It ain't pretty and you can't see the muscles shaking with the effort, but's smaller than it was. We'll take smaller.

Warrior III Pose: I can balance. Everything is as clenched as if I was trying to hold in a fart at a funeral, but I can hold the pose. Balance requires strength. I have strength (well, more than I used to have).

This is Boat Pose. I'm holding Boat Pose and not capsizing. This means the abdominals have strengthened, as well as the back muscles. And yes, there are people doing more impressive things behind me (Flipping the Dog. Downward Dog and then flip over. Yeah, not me. Not yet), but the fact that I can hold this pose is pretty important. Having figured out the Plank (and the need to contract abdominals, glutes and back muscles - what are they called? - in order to make

 the pose work), it's moved my progress forward on other poses at a good clip; we do a lot of Planks in yoga and all that muscle contraction works them and strengthens them. I haven't had any back issues since I figured this out.

I'm going to get a real photographer and some better clothes to "show off" what I've got so far.

Onward

Scales? We don’t need no stinking scales…Well, not today, anyway.

The “between the toes” number, which has been my focus for over a year now has lost some of its importance lately. Part of not getting on the scale is the idea of not letting the number get to me if it’s not to my liking.

 There are other means of measuring progress.

For instance, on Saturday night, I dressed up for a party and wore one of my favorite garments: a silk blazer (size 13) I’d gotten from Limited Express nearly 20 years ago. It’s been sitting untouched for at least 10 years because, even if I could get my arms into the sleeves, I couldn’t move them for fear of ripping the jacket from the strain. Saturday, it fit and I could move freely in it. All the planks in yoga, the skull crushers with the free weights and working on pushups is paying off. Far less jiggle around the arms.  http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/02/15/proper-push-up/.  I’m still doing pushups against the wall, but I’m still doing 3 sets of 15 every other day. Next step: incline pushups.

While getting adjusted last week, Dr. Best noticed that I have “the beginnings of a vee” along my spine. This means the lower back muscles are developing. He also checked the development of the triceps and pronounced it “coming along.”

I’m wearing size 13 and size 12 Calvin Klein jeans. For years, I’ve worn “stretch denim” jeans with elastic waists. I’m wearing the standard denim and the waists are unforgiving. But they’re fitting.

Nerd Fitness promises that by cleaning up your diet (No processed food, no dairy, no sugar, no grain. Okay, well, if you insist on dairy, make it grass-fed) and weight training, you’ll be able to increase your strength. I’ve begun shifting my workout from the Nautilus type machines to free weights and using my body weight which are less forgiving and greater resistance (you don’t have a bunch of pulleys making it easier for you). I took a reconnaissance tour of the various free weight devices (The kind you add weight plates to, rather than just moving a pin in an enclosed stack) and I can do them. Of course, with the wonky right knee, I’m not going to be busting out like Ms. Olympia, but I can work with very light weights and a lot of repetitions (There seems to be a lot of bad knees going around in my circle). Lunges may be great for the lower body and the glutes, but the right knee clears its throat, so to speak, if I attempt anything high impact or that puts pressure behind the kneecap. Even though I’m not pushing big weights, I think the legs are pretty good. You tell me.

 (Actual leg)

Still, the Great White Belly is not changing as quickly as other body parts. However, it’s cooperating in the strength department. The muscles aren’t shaking nearly as much as they did when I finally “got it” on how to properly hold a plank (and even though you’re not moving, those things will work you). When I started focusing on the oblique muscles (those are the gems down your sides that allow you to twist) I had to mentally focus on the muscles and will them to contract. As  I have continued to practice, it’s become easier to command them to move and have them respond. I can hold the Boat pose (balance on your butt with your body in the shape of a V. Not easy) for (relatively) longer periods.

(Not actual me)

It’s progress. And, unless you're Rick Santorum, progress is a good thing.