Pictures!

(We’ll get into the numbers another time. Honest. The scale is up on a closet shelf where it can’t do any damage).

Housekeeping: My “troll” cherry has been broken with the following comment:
“LOL just take the stick out of your ass, and stop trying to pretend there is any kind of discrimination in this ad. BTW, why did the joke backfire? Because YOU didn't like it? You are so pretensious on Follow Up to "I'm Not Laughing"”

I published it because I’m not afraid of criticism, even if it comes from a spineless wonder. Anonymous? The definition of P-R-E-N-T-E-N-T-I-O-U-S is people who attempt to impress by using words they have not mastered (being able to spell it demonstrate mastery). Like Sarah Palin. The “LOL” and “BTW” are indications of a lazy intellect as well. I may be pretentious, but by the grace of God, I’m not a spineless ignoramus (would you like a definition for that?). Of course, if I had your piss poor spelling skills (and insufficient good sense to use Spellcheck when it may count), I don’t think I’d use my real name, either.

 And since Newcastle immediately yanked the ad in question, I doubt I’m the only one who had a problem with it.

This is a pictorial demonstration of progress. Not only mine: clearly, my good friend, Sandy, has eclipsed me in a year. Look at that smile! Yea, Sandy! AND, I have another friend who has started hitting the gym before work, telling me I’m a good influence. PLUS, I’ve noticed more people bringing fruits, vegetables and nuts to work for snacks instead of the sugary stuff.
You’re doing it for yourselves, Guys . Keep it going.

Okay, this is me (and my good, lovely friend Marie) in 2010 (July 4):

(My shirt is from Boston’s on the Beach in Delray Beach, FL. I love the design. Fantastic use of the Red Sox logos. And I do love my Red Sox).

And the two of us July 2, 2011:

(I am smaller. Really)
And this year, July 7:

Yeah, see, not much progress, but Marie looks great.

Now, check out my friend Sandy. June 2, 2011 (my 50th birthday celebration):

And June 1, 2012:

Wow. Just wow.

Cousin Margaret Thatcher once said, “Sometimes you have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”
How right she was. I haven’t reached my goal. Yet), but I haven’t given up or gone back to the old ways. I’m still hitting the gym and I’ve adapted my eating to Paleo style. I keep slipping there. By the way, Scrabble, affogato is NOT Paleo. The bacon-wrapped dates and the grilled asparagus, yes. Affogato, no. Next time: fruit and grass-fed cheese, maybe some nuts.
And Anonymous? Suck on it.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

181.8 lbs, but…

This post is a photo essay of progress (covered up for the most part. I don’t have suitable shorts for working out and wasn’t about to strip in the middle of a commercial gym). The intended body shots to show definition and fat loss didn’t turn out as planned, so it’s mostly “I couldn’t do this on this date last year.”

Warrior I Pose: You  can sort of see the definition in my legs. Pay no attention to the Great White Belly (except to note how much smaller the area directly below the bra band is. It's like gentrification putting the squeeze on bad neighborhoods. At night, when it's VERY quiet, I hear this tiny, faint voice crying "I

m melting"). The butt is looking pretty good. Even naked (which only a select few will get to see and you aren't it).

I AM ACTUALLY HOLDING UP MY OWN WEIGHT, DOING A PUSHUP. Last year at this time, not no way, not no how (another "Wizard of Oz" reference), even though I'd already shed over 20 lbs. from the Jan. 31, 2011 reading). You get a better look at the hamstring, calf and gluteus definition. And the arms. Shoulders are more defined, but you can't really see it here.

This is Downward Dog (before class, so I was still kind of stiff and not really warmed up). My heels are parallel to the floor (I'm on a double mat because I need the padding for my right knee) which means the hamstrings and calves are stretched. You can see the arms are toned and there's some shape to the back that is not squishy adipose tissue. It ain't pretty and you can't see the muscles shaking with the effort, but's smaller than it was. We'll take smaller.

Warrior III Pose: I can balance. Everything is as clenched as if I was trying to hold in a fart at a funeral, but I can hold the pose. Balance requires strength. I have strength (well, more than I used to have).

This is Boat Pose. I'm holding Boat Pose and not capsizing. This means the abdominals have strengthened, as well as the back muscles. And yes, there are people doing more impressive things behind me (Flipping the Dog. Downward Dog and then flip over. Yeah, not me. Not yet), but the fact that I can hold this pose is pretty important. Having figured out the Plank (and the need to contract abdominals, glutes and back muscles - what are they called? - in order to make

 the pose work), it's moved my progress forward on other poses at a good clip; we do a lot of Planks in yoga and all that muscle contraction works them and strengthens them. I haven't had any back issues since I figured this out.

I'm going to get a real photographer and some better clothes to "show off" what I've got so far.

Onward

Scales? We don’t need no stinking scales…Well, not today, anyway.

The “between the toes” number, which has been my focus for over a year now has lost some of its importance lately. Part of not getting on the scale is the idea of not letting the number get to me if it’s not to my liking.

 There are other means of measuring progress.

For instance, on Saturday night, I dressed up for a party and wore one of my favorite garments: a silk blazer (size 13) I’d gotten from Limited Express nearly 20 years ago. It’s been sitting untouched for at least 10 years because, even if I could get my arms into the sleeves, I couldn’t move them for fear of ripping the jacket from the strain. Saturday, it fit and I could move freely in it. All the planks in yoga, the skull crushers with the free weights and working on pushups is paying off. Far less jiggle around the arms.  http://nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/02/15/proper-push-up/.  I’m still doing pushups against the wall, but I’m still doing 3 sets of 15 every other day. Next step: incline pushups.

While getting adjusted last week, Dr. Best noticed that I have “the beginnings of a vee” along my spine. This means the lower back muscles are developing. He also checked the development of the triceps and pronounced it “coming along.”

I’m wearing size 13 and size 12 Calvin Klein jeans. For years, I’ve worn “stretch denim” jeans with elastic waists. I’m wearing the standard denim and the waists are unforgiving. But they’re fitting.

Nerd Fitness promises that by cleaning up your diet (No processed food, no dairy, no sugar, no grain. Okay, well, if you insist on dairy, make it grass-fed) and weight training, you’ll be able to increase your strength. I’ve begun shifting my workout from the Nautilus type machines to free weights and using my body weight which are less forgiving and greater resistance (you don’t have a bunch of pulleys making it easier for you). I took a reconnaissance tour of the various free weight devices (The kind you add weight plates to, rather than just moving a pin in an enclosed stack) and I can do them. Of course, with the wonky right knee, I’m not going to be busting out like Ms. Olympia, but I can work with very light weights and a lot of repetitions (There seems to be a lot of bad knees going around in my circle). Lunges may be great for the lower body and the glutes, but the right knee clears its throat, so to speak, if I attempt anything high impact or that puts pressure behind the kneecap. Even though I’m not pushing big weights, I think the legs are pretty good. You tell me.

 (Actual leg)

Still, the Great White Belly is not changing as quickly as other body parts. However, it’s cooperating in the strength department. The muscles aren’t shaking nearly as much as they did when I finally “got it” on how to properly hold a plank (and even though you’re not moving, those things will work you). When I started focusing on the oblique muscles (those are the gems down your sides that allow you to twist) I had to mentally focus on the muscles and will them to contract. As  I have continued to practice, it’s become easier to command them to move and have them respond. I can hold the Boat pose (balance on your butt with your body in the shape of a V. Not easy) for (relatively) longer periods.

(Not actual me)

It’s progress. And, unless you're Rick Santorum, progress is a good thing.

Duh, Winning

176  lbs. BUT…

Operation Overlord (aka D Day, June 6, 1944 aka the first 20 minutes of “Saving Private Ryan”) did not end World War II. Neither did Midway, Guadalcanal, the Battle of the Bulge or the Battle of Britain. However, combined, they won the war (anybody piping up with Hiroshima or Nagasaki at this point just to be a smartass, shut up. I’m making a point). Let me share some of the victories in my campaign:

-          Lila the yoga teacher keeps calling me “The Incredible Shrinking Woman.”   : )

-          I am wearing a cashmere sweater that has been too small for over 8 years. There’s a little room in it.

-          While the scale number is stuck, strength is manifesting itself in the following ways:

I was able to complete the Half Moon pose (foot on the floor and the hand on the same side as the foot diagonal from it with opposite foot in the air and opposite hand on hip.  See photo) Up until VERY recently, I had to have both hands on the ground.

I don’t have to modify Plank. A back issue of “Self” magazine, Julianne Hough said something about Plank being her favorite core workout. Dawn suddenly broke over Marblehead (meaning, I saw the light) and I’m working Plank with gusto. Those abs are going down.

I didn’t have to stay on one knee for Crescent pose. And the beat-up right knee is holding up.

And as for Dancing Warrior: I lasted 5 times longer than I used to! 5 seconds v. 1. Yeah, it’s going to take a lot of work.

Not so much on the yoga push-up, either. However, the triceps have been getting my attention, as have the obliques.

                I didn’t feel like I was going to die while I was digging around in the storage unit the other day.  I  was moving stuff by myself

I can stand to look at myself in the mirror. Not necessarily naked (still see a big “apron” of fat around the middle that I don’t want to look at), but I can see a jawline and skin tightening up. I will never be mistaken for Michelle Pfeiffer (damn), but I look okay.

A lot of experts will tell you that it’s necessary to love yourself and to have a positive body image in order to improve the shape/condition of your body. I found it extremely difficult to love myself when sedentary and eating without regard to what or how much. The fact that I get antsy if I don’t go work out, take care over what I eat and measure my portions tells me I care more about myself than I did before I started. (By the way, to the “fat activist” who’s a proponent of Health At Every Size: I think it undermines your message of dignity and respect for all if you refer to overweight people as “fatties,” a term used for emotional and verbal abuse).

As I am strengthening the core muscles (think of a cummerbund), I’m finding that the back issues are clearing up, even those up in the shoulders. Tripping, falling, hitting head on sidewalk kind of set me back a week, but progress is still being made.

I’ll have those damned 501s on my butt by the end of January.

A Very Good Day

 

Didn’t get on the scale all weekend.

Something to share: “Positivity is a coping mechanism.” This I got from Marc Maron’s “WTF” podcast (the 11/14/11 one, I believe). He was talking (complaining, actually) about people telling him to have a positive outlook and that the arc and quality of someone’s life would follow his/her thoughts: be positive and everything works out. He doesn’t agree with this philosophy and part of his response was to state that “Positivity is a coping mechanism.” It’s true. There have been times in my life when things were going so far wrong that I was in the fringe shadow, light gray areas of thought where I considered ending my life because I did not want to continue with conditions as they were and I didn’t see anything on the horizon that would convince me things would improve.  I forget who talked me off the ledge, but I’m still here, so it happened. I shifted my thinking to the more positive frame and that has made dealing with ups and downs, particularly downs much easier. So, being positive as a coping mechanism? I recommend it.  Highly. A little more grounded in reality than Charlie Sheen’s “winning”, perhaps, but you get the idea.

Today was another expedition to the storage unit (aka the Cave of Wonders as in “I wonder when I’ll be able to get all this stuff out and live in it again”) to retrieve more clothing in smaller sizes. Luckily, classics never go out of style (If it was parachute pants and tie dye, well...) We’re getting down to the really good stuff: the various articles of clothing that I would describe as the Holy Grails of personal weight loss: the size 11 tapered leg Levi 501 (red tag) jeans, the Ann Taylor silk knit turtleneck sweaters, my cashmere sweaters, the Little Feat tour shirt from 1987 and the Holiest of Holies, a black velvet cocktail dress, strapless, ballet skirt, size 10. When I was growing up, I remember looking at the print ads for Black Velvet whiskey in Sports Illustrated: always a beautiful woman in some sort of black velvet outfit. I couldn’t tell you what the ad copy was, I just remember wanting to grow up to be one of those women. The closest I’ve come is this dress. It’s been to corporate Christmas parties, a performance by Pavarotti, Christmas and New Year’s Boston Pops concerts; it’s my favorite garment and I haven’t worn it in this century, let alone year or decade. I refused to let go of it, believing that one day I’d be able to wear it again.

Well, today’s not that day. But…

My knitted silk turtlenecks: 9 years since I’ve worn them. They fit.

Cashmere sweaters: 8 years. They fit.

Little Feat tour shirt: 9 years. Fits.

Size 11 Levis’: yeah, okay, not just yet but the last time I had them in hand, I couldn’t pull them up past my butt. Today: I got them on. No way in hell I can button them just yet without liposuction and the Spanx from hell, but  geez Louise, I can pull them all the way up.

This is encouragement. This is freedom from the tyranny of the plus size and all the crappy “workmanship” and cheap material that goes into making that clothing. I’ve dropped from XXL down to borderline L/XL (depends on the garment). And I did this on my own (Dear Doctor who told me 6 years ago that I needed to join a support group because obviously I couldn’t lose weight on my own: if you haven’t died or retired by now you flatulent old fossil, bite me). I refused to book passage on the guilt trips that those “with my best interests at heart” were putting on me (Blood relatives. And how’s your health these days? How many prescriptions are you taking? Still diabetic? High blood pressure? Bad backs/joints? In Lipitor We Trust? Still smoking and drinking? Talk to me when you’ve solved those issues).  That also goes to those people for whom either my methods are not acceptable or my progress isn’t enough, in their eyes. (I see that ass of yours is still dimpled and your upper arms keep waving goodbye 5 minutes after you’ve stopped.  You have no standing to discuss this subject. Therefore, shut up). I’ve never had a significant other asking me to lose weight “for him.” This is for me, in my time and those who have believed in me, thank you. Those who haven’t, fuck you.

I CAN NOT wait to get back into those jeans.

New Numbers

170.6 lbs. Great day in the morning! I'd like to thank protein powders, Atkins and the elliptical cross-trainer.

New round of "By The Numbers":

Measurement	January 31, 2011	May 18, 2011	November 28, 2011
Weight	224.6 lbs.	188.4 lbs.	170.6 lbs.
BMI	35.2%	29.5%	26.7%
Neck	17.3”	16.75”	15.5”
Chest	56.7”	45.5”	42”
Waist	51.2”	44.5”	39.75”
Hips	47.6”	46.5”	42”

Looks like pretty good progress unless you let the guys at the gym (who want to sell you a training package) do a body fat calculation. Mine today came up with 41.75% body fat. Fuck ‘em. I’m making great progress in other ways.

From 51.2” to 39.75”: the Great White Belly is going buh-bye.

Too Sexy for My Jeans (Well, Not Quite)

186.6 lbs. You would think burning 1200 calories in one day would get you somewhere. I’m suspecting sugar intake (sweetened non-fat yogurt and sweetened gluten-free granola). Sugar is inflammatory to the pancreas and the liver. I have emailed Trader Joe’s asking them to come up with a gluten free granola with a lower sugar content. They said they’d look into it. I believe them. Trader Joe’s listens to its customers.

New rules for Presidential candidates: You must appear on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” and win, emphasis on American History, Civics and Geography. I will not name names, but the leading Charismatic Idiot punted the football on a point of American history so basic, it’s practically encoded in our DNA. You know, Idaho (the CI’s place of birth) and Alaska (the CI’s current safe haven and proclaimed beloved homeland although she now has a home in Arizona. John McCain must be ready to hang himself) are awfully close to Canada. Can SHE produce a birth certificate? That isn’t Canadian? I have my doubts. Okay, to be fair (who am I kidding?): She did say “warn the British” but finished with something like “that they couldn’t take away our liberty (or guns?).” That kind of fumble tongue is what causes international incidents. She then went on to say that Paul Revere had rung the bells in the Old North Church. Ain’t nobody ringing no damned bells that night because that would have, in fact, WARNED THE BRITISH (the HMS Somerset was at anchor not too far away. Part of the team that carried out the warning TO THE COLONISTS (who were technically British, I suppose) had to row past the Somerset to carry out their end of the mission; I’m thinking it was Revere. I’d have to go CHECK THE FACTS. (One thing I keep forgetting to look up is whether the Boston Marathon route is linked to Revere’s ride. It is a Patriot’s Day tradition and Revere (and the Minute Men) kicked that off in 1775).

The sad thing is that there are probably good, capable people in the Republican Party who could ably lead the country, but we’re never going to hear about them because they’re getting shouted down and crowded out by the spotlight-hogging fucktards (you heard me) who have shown themselves to lack character and courage, but by God, they sell a ton of books. People of America, we deserve better and it’s about goddamn time we demanded it. We are not a nation of dumb, easily dazzled and misled sheep.

But I digress.

14^th inning for the Red Sox and Oakland As. This is why Red Sox fans drink.

I had a bit of a cheat with sweet potato fries at Red Robin today (turkey burger, no bun, tomato slices, lettuce and a very little swipe of the chipotle sauce). I may pay for it tomorrow on the scale, but that would make a change from 186.6. I may have to do another Monster Monday workout.

But that’s not the biggest deal of the day. Or maybe I should say “not so big” deal.

Right now, I’m wearing a pair of size 14 Not Your Daughter’s Jeans with Tummy Tuck Technology. The Triple T allows you to wear a size smaller than you would normally. As previously mentioned in earlier posts, they’re made in the USA. Pricey, but you can find them at Nordstrom Rack for a discount (I don’t know about Marshalls, Ross or TJ Maxx, but I imagine it’s worth investigating).  These are high-waisted “mom” jeans (such a dumbass term), but they are excellent quality garments and worth their cost.

Mine are loose. And I just washed them.

If you are a regular reader, you know that among my Holy Grail garments are two pairs of Levi 501 jeans. These are buried in my storage unit, probably next to the crate containing the Ark of the Covenant (which explains the persistent humming sound). They are, without a doubt, the most flattering jeans I’ve ever pulled up.(from the butt downward. Nothing makes the Great White Belly look good).

Emboldened by the loose (ish) waistband of my current size 14 jeans, I undertook a reconnaissance mission at the Levi’s Store today. I encountered a helpful, very friendly (and kind) salesman named Michael who had no problem with my trying but not buying. He brought a pair of 501s and another pair of “boyfriend cut” (I think they were 511s). Drumroll, please.

The 501s (max waist 30, I think. Size 13), I could pull up but not button. Not a downer though: I COULD PULL THEM UP OVER MY HIPS. This is good, this is progress.

Okay, the 511s. Waist 31, inseam 32: PULLED UP, ZIPPED AND I COULD BREATHE!!!!!! These are lower rise jeans than the NYDJs, so the Great White Belly has to go down even more before I’d wear them (Not muffin tops, FLABALANCHE). They’re skinnier cut through the legs than usual (Look, if you’re plus sized, everything is boot cut unless you’re in jeggings) and they flatter my legs AND BUTT.  (Admit it, Ladies, that’s the biggest priority when we’re shopping for jeans. Why don’t men care as much about their asses? Is it because of the fart lighting obsession?). But I could wear them now , if I want to, that’s the biggest point! Even after sweet potato fries! Oh, Motivation, you move in mysterious ways!

I am going to bust this lousy plateau. One of the things I mentally chant to myself to keep going on the Rotating Staircase of Death or push through the cardio burst (greater speed and resistance on the elliptical, jogging on the treadmill) is this: “Eyes on the prize. Keep your eyes on the prize.”

The prize is still off in the distance, but if I don’t need the binoculars to see it anymore. Every step on the RSoD or elliptical is a step closer to it.