Beyond Here, There Be Monsters

175.2 lbs. Whatever.

Exercise-wise, it was a good day: Hour and a half on the elliptical and an hour of Pilates that really worked the core. Dawn broke for me a couple of weeks ago: when in the plank position (Top of a push-up; same for yoga or Pilates), tighten up/engage/clench those abdominal muscles. Not only does it make the position easier, but it works the friggin’ things and God knows mine need the work. Still can’t fasten the size 11 Levis 501 straight legs, but I’m getting closer every day. And if I suck in my gut (and with all the core muscle work, that’s getting deeper and deeper), I can see where the transverse abdominus goes. The oblique muscles aren’t quite as cooperative, but I’m not giving them a choice. Russell Simmons said, “Work is the prayer.” Well, to get a better body, I’m praying as hard as my body will take it.

Speaking of keeping on keeping on…

I subscribe to the Abraham-Hicks Quote of the Day. Esther Hicks channels a non-physical collective that calls itself Abraham and it offers advice on creative visualization and remaining positive (which, yes, we know is a coping mechanism, but so far, it’s working a lot better for me than any other one I’ve tried).  I will share today’s in a minute.

I had a long conversation with a friend today who was feeling nervous and scared about the future. We live in challenging times here in America. We’ve had to learn to take nothing for granted (September 11, 2001, thousands of people died just because they showed up for work), that job security is no longer a given and that the ones we can best rely on are ourselves because Congress is too busy trying to outmaneuver each other to get anything done for us (Lobbyists and big contributors: different story). As human beings, we have a tendency to look towards the dark side when looking into the future (except for “Star Trek” and “The Jetsons”).  Part of re-training people away from depending on drugs/alcohol/excessive food intake as coping mechanisms is the following: H.A.L.T.  as in “Don’t let yourself get too Hungry Angry Lonely or Tired.” There is a bio-chemical response to being too hungry or too tired that will make you sad, depressed and fearful. Angry, you’ll give yourself zits and an ulcer. When you feel physically lousy, your emotions will get dragged down, too and vice versa.  Lonely, well, I’m trying to come to grips with the notion of being found repulsive by men (and no, women are not an alternative) while, when I finally get into the shape I’ve wanted all my life, the world ends (Lousy Mayans).

It’s a scary damned world out there. But I sayeth unto you “Fear not.” (And if anyone thinks I’m blasphemous, oh, well. I’m not holding myself out as the Messiah).

The quote from Abraham:

“When you play the What-If? game, look for things that make you feel better. There is never a situation in  which there is not a way out—but, out of habit, most people continue to choose  the "lack" perspective until they eventually find themselves where it seems that there are no more choices. But as you hold to your intention to look for  evidence of Well-Being and thriving and success and happiness, you will tune  yourself to the vibrations of those things—and so those kinds of good-feeling  experiences will dominate your life.”

Gratitude is a good starting point for healthy coping. Tomorrow, the weather in L.A. is supposed to be L.A. winter lousy: chilly and rainy and gray (better than New England’s booger freezing -20 that I remember so well).

-          If you have a good roof over your head and you are warm (or whatever temperature you like) and dry, be thankful.

-          If you have food in your shelter (or the means to get food), be thankful.

-          If you are adequately clothed, give thanks.

According to the Maslow Hierarchy, your most basic physiological needs are met. You have a baseline.

-          If you have a functioning brain, you have an irreplaceable, invaluable tool. Always remember that.

-          If you have all of your limbs, they function and obey commands from your brain, you have even more tools.

-          If you have a friend/lover/trusted colleague with whom you can share ANYTHING and not be judged or, even better, they’ll help you figure out a solution to a problem, that’s another great tool.

-          (No disrespect to the atheist community intended) Faith can be a great source of strength. This is not limited to organized religion; faith in oneself is crucial to moving forward through life – to quote a successful Presidential campaign “Yes, We Can.” If you have to chant that or write it out in a notebook 100 times like Bart Simpson on the blackboard. (Fourth grade, I spent all of my recesses writing out crap on the board 100 times each because of a cranky old teacher who should have retired 500 years before she hit me for not being able to see the blackboard. She also liked to appoint the class snitches as room monitors. They didn’t like me, either. Fourth grade was miserable), do it.  “Tell yourself enough times until you believe it.” Yeah, do that.

Here’s the thing: if, in this moment, you’re okay, that’s enough. Got food, clothing and shelter? Okay. You’re good. Don’t look even 5 minutes into the future; right now, you’re all set. Did your team win the big game (Suck it, Ravens)? Be happy and grateful.

Poop happens (I’ve been gently chided for using rough language). You can either let it destroy you or figure out how to get past it. Sometimes, it’s piled up so high, you don’t think you can see past it, but there is always something beyond it. And don’t go looking for the poop because you will find it. Why? Because you are looking for it.

I am attaching a link to a video (which I’ve probably done before. So what. It’s a good video) that may give you some comfort (if you’re distressed).  I know the great people behind it.  It speaks the truth:

We all go on.

E hugs and Reiki.

A Very Good Day

 

Didn’t get on the scale all weekend.

Something to share: “Positivity is a coping mechanism.” This I got from Marc Maron’s “WTF” podcast (the 11/14/11 one, I believe). He was talking (complaining, actually) about people telling him to have a positive outlook and that the arc and quality of someone’s life would follow his/her thoughts: be positive and everything works out. He doesn’t agree with this philosophy and part of his response was to state that “Positivity is a coping mechanism.” It’s true. There have been times in my life when things were going so far wrong that I was in the fringe shadow, light gray areas of thought where I considered ending my life because I did not want to continue with conditions as they were and I didn’t see anything on the horizon that would convince me things would improve.  I forget who talked me off the ledge, but I’m still here, so it happened. I shifted my thinking to the more positive frame and that has made dealing with ups and downs, particularly downs much easier. So, being positive as a coping mechanism? I recommend it.  Highly. A little more grounded in reality than Charlie Sheen’s “winning”, perhaps, but you get the idea.

Today was another expedition to the storage unit (aka the Cave of Wonders as in “I wonder when I’ll be able to get all this stuff out and live in it again”) to retrieve more clothing in smaller sizes. Luckily, classics never go out of style (If it was parachute pants and tie dye, well...) We’re getting down to the really good stuff: the various articles of clothing that I would describe as the Holy Grails of personal weight loss: the size 11 tapered leg Levi 501 (red tag) jeans, the Ann Taylor silk knit turtleneck sweaters, my cashmere sweaters, the Little Feat tour shirt from 1987 and the Holiest of Holies, a black velvet cocktail dress, strapless, ballet skirt, size 10. When I was growing up, I remember looking at the print ads for Black Velvet whiskey in Sports Illustrated: always a beautiful woman in some sort of black velvet outfit. I couldn’t tell you what the ad copy was, I just remember wanting to grow up to be one of those women. The closest I’ve come is this dress. It’s been to corporate Christmas parties, a performance by Pavarotti, Christmas and New Year’s Boston Pops concerts; it’s my favorite garment and I haven’t worn it in this century, let alone year or decade. I refused to let go of it, believing that one day I’d be able to wear it again.

Well, today’s not that day. But…

My knitted silk turtlenecks: 9 years since I’ve worn them. They fit.

Cashmere sweaters: 8 years. They fit.

Little Feat tour shirt: 9 years. Fits.

Size 11 Levis’: yeah, okay, not just yet but the last time I had them in hand, I couldn’t pull them up past my butt. Today: I got them on. No way in hell I can button them just yet without liposuction and the Spanx from hell, but  geez Louise, I can pull them all the way up.

This is encouragement. This is freedom from the tyranny of the plus size and all the crappy “workmanship” and cheap material that goes into making that clothing. I’ve dropped from XXL down to borderline L/XL (depends on the garment). And I did this on my own (Dear Doctor who told me 6 years ago that I needed to join a support group because obviously I couldn’t lose weight on my own: if you haven’t died or retired by now you flatulent old fossil, bite me). I refused to book passage on the guilt trips that those “with my best interests at heart” were putting on me (Blood relatives. And how’s your health these days? How many prescriptions are you taking? Still diabetic? High blood pressure? Bad backs/joints? In Lipitor We Trust? Still smoking and drinking? Talk to me when you’ve solved those issues).  That also goes to those people for whom either my methods are not acceptable or my progress isn’t enough, in their eyes. (I see that ass of yours is still dimpled and your upper arms keep waving goodbye 5 minutes after you’ve stopped.  You have no standing to discuss this subject. Therefore, shut up). I’ve never had a significant other asking me to lose weight “for him.” This is for me, in my time and those who have believed in me, thank you. Those who haven’t, fuck you.

I CAN NOT wait to get back into those jeans.

How Larry Miller Made My Day and Week

174.8 lbs. And has been for 7 days. Could be worse…

The gym has begun flashing health tips on their LCD displays that also give class schedules, time (always 10 minutes slow) and the weather forecast, as well as advertising sale items in the pro shop (such as it is). One of the tips I saw today (while working through 2, count ‘em, 2 hours of elliptical cross trainer) was about a positive attitude (and body image) being a boost to health and weight loss. Cool. Towards that end, I got a huge boost today (it helped me ignore the guy on the treadmill next to me who decided to give me a lecture on how, if I worked harder on the elliptical, I could lose weight. I refrained from telling him how, if he kept his mouth shut, people wouldn’t think he was an ass. He was also given to ostentatious yawns. That’s right, I said ostentatious and MEANT it.).

I subscribe to the “This Week With Larry Miller” podcast (www.acelarrymiller.com). It is one of the reasons I look forward to Wednesdays (I have a couple of podcast subscriptions that update on Wednesdays). Larry Miller, if you don’t recognize the name, is a stand up and actor. You probably know his voice or his face (He’s part of the troupe that Garry Marshall likes to use. He was the store manager who let Julia Roberts shop in “Pretty Woman” and the crazy hairdresser in the “Princess Diary” movies. Yeah, that guy. No, not Hector Elizondo).

Mr. Miller starts his podcasts with a piece of music that sounds like a college fight song and segues into the meat of the podcast by saying “That was the  _______ Orchestra and the ______ Dancers and boy tenor ________ asks the musical question, “___________?” (For those of you born during the Reagan administration, this is a throwback to the 1940s and live broadcasts of big bands on Saturday night). He changes the names every week giving a shout out to members of his staff or his friends or the guy who sold him the new hamper. The musical question is something different each week, too. Silly stuff and a lot of fun. This podcast puts me in a good mood every Wednesday.

The podcast is funny and silly and covers important topics such as replacing a laundry hamper that had seen better days and the subtle art of mashing soap scraps into a Frankenstein creation of a bar (made from parts from others). He has successfully melded four bars together, yet had an attempt at a “five-fecta” fall apart. The quest for the five-fecta is something he has compared to the building of The Tower of Babel (it’s in your Bibles, folks) and perhaps he was overreaching through pride and arrogance. He has mentioned this comparison several times.

As I listened last week with the discussion of the quest for the five-fecta and whether it was a Tower of Babel, I got an idea and posted on the Facebook page for the show: “Wouldn’t the five fecta be known as the Tower of Bubble?” One of my friends hit it with a “Like” and I thought that might be the end of it. Except that someone from the show commented: “Oooh, that’s a good one. I like that.”

It was Larry. Miller.  Oh, cool. “But that was last week,” you ask, “Why would it impact today?”

A ha.

Today’s podcast, titled “The Game’s Over and You’ve Won” (November 2, 2011) , the dancers were the SUSAN THATCHER Dancers and the musical question was “Wouldn’t the Five Fecta be known as the Tower of Bubble?”

HOLY HERD OF COWS STAMPEDING FROM MUMBAI TO BANGALORE!!!!

Not only did I get the shout out in this fashion, but he discussed it for a couple of minutes and RETURNED TO IT. Oh. My. God.

Look, I have been a fan of Larry Miller since the 1980s (I remember seeing his stand up on HBO) and every time I’ve seen him since, be it in “Pretty Woman” or on “Law & Order” (2 episodes where he played a truly despicable character named Michael Dobson and then one where he played a comedian named Larry Miller. Typecasting on the third time), I’ve tuned in a little more closely. And here I’ve made a connection to someone whose work I like a LOT and not only that, been able to give a little something back to HIM in terms of a goofy play on words (He says on the podcast that he loves puns). What goes around comes around in action. (We also like Fab Hot Dogs in Reseda. If you are a fan of the tube steak, you owe yourself a visit)

I recommend to anybody and everybody reading this post that he or she go to www.acelarrymiller.com or ITunes (or Zune. I am a Zunatic and proud of it) and subscribe to this podcast, including listening to some of the older episodes. Larry Miller will put you in a good frame of mind, lift the corners of your mouth and make the day/week a little bit better talking about soap and laundry hampers (and the Larry Miller Drinking Society). The elevated frame of mind is a springboard towards achieving goals and/or bringing better things into our lives (I’ve been told and choose to believe). Hey, if Larry Miller helps me get there, that’s fine by me.

You know what? Yeah, I’ve been stalled at 174.8 lbs. for 7 days, but that’s still 50 lbs. down (okay, okay 49.8. Jeez). And “If you were able to walk out of bed, had a job to go to, a home to come back to and somebody waiting there who cares about you, game over, you’ve won,” I’m batting .750 which is even better than Ted Williams did in his heyday.

And that’s the truest thing I know. Thank you, Mr. Miller.