New Election Law

Okay, last post about politics.

Listen up, Gang; Mama’s got some new rules (probably should be Constitutional Amendments but Congress is too busy trying to cockblock each other to get the ball rolling, so it’s up to us…)

RULE NUMBER 1:
IF YOU ARE RUNNING FOR ANOTHER OFFICE, YOU MUST, MUST, MUST GIVE UP THE OFFICE YOU CURRENTLY OCCUPY.
Paul Ryan: lost the Vice Presidency, but don’t cry for him Waukegin: he won his House  seat, so he’s still sucking on the public teat. Look: this isn’t sneaking around behind Lundberg  to interview for another job (Lundberg. “Office Space reference).

 You want to change public office, you resign from your Senate seat/House seat/Governor’s chair. We KNOW  that you don’t give fuck one about your constituents while you’re advancing your career, so let someone willing to ACTUALLY FUCKING DO THE JOB actually have the job. If you’re going to run, you’re going balls in. No safety net. Call it built-in motivation.

RULE NUMBER 2:

TERM LIMITS.
If the President of the United States is limited to two terms (or 8 years), the House and Senate should be, too. Over in the zoo called the House, you can go 4 terms (8 years) max. Same as the Pres. It’s a little trickier in the Senate because a term over there is 6 years (Note: if this piece of information comes as a surprise and shock to you a) I hope to God you didn’t vote and b) remedial Civics class for you immediately). 2 terms and out. Now, you can go from 8 years in the House to 12 years (yes, 6 x 2 is 12) and then, if you’re really good (and what a steelcage match the primaries would become), 8 years in the Presidency. That’s 28 years and a full career by anyone’s standard. Oh yes: mandatory retirement at 80. No more Strom Thurmond “Walking Dead” Senators (they’d die all over again from the lack of brains). Oh: NOBODY is grandfathered in. Time for fresh blood and despite the boast of Archimedes (this is what public education used to be, Folks), there isn’t a lever big enough to pry your dead asses out of the job. I think we can rummage up enough boxes for you to move your shit. And if you return as lobbyists, armed citizens are allowed to shoot you on site and turn your ears in for a bounty. You may be undead and we can’t take chances.

RULE NUMBER 3:


MONEY LIMITS.
You are only allowed to accept $------ (amount TBD) from REGISTERED voters in the district you are running to represent. No more of this SUPERPAC bullshit. You’ll have to get creative about getting your message out. This will have the added benefit of unclogging airwaves, answering machines and mailboxes. Those billions of dollars that went to plastering the airwaves, answering machines and mailboxes? America just made you pay for interrupting Jeaopardy with bullshit.


Proceed accordingly.