One Step Forward

181.6 lbs. Okay, more like it.

And I just tuned into the Red Sox/Rangers game to hear Mike Napoli hit a 3 run homer. Mr. Napoli does not play for the Red Sox. I feel a twinge in my spleen....and its name is Eric Bedard (Red Sox pitcher who just gave up the 3 run homer. If you know me, you know I’d like to see John Lackey dropped off the Tobin Bridge in chains and cement. Or handed back to the Angels. He can take Bedard with him.

181.6  is infinitely preferable to 184.4 and, to get the big picture, even better than 224.6. However, I still want to get back below the 177 low point of early July. It’s not so much a matter of self-loathing (although the extra weight that I see does set off the Greek chorus of voices telling me how lazy and spoiled and useless I am and that my obesity is a reflection of my self-indulgence and irresponsibility). I did, in fact, take the end date off of My Net Diary and it’s a good thing because the last day that I had a goal date on there, the recommended maximum food intake was 811 calories. Remember what I said about the Nazis calculating they could keep the concentration camp slaves alive on 800 calories a day?  Danger, Danger, Will Robinson.

Dr. Mehmet Oz, he of the “You On A Diet” and various other books about our healt, beloved of the Great Goddess Oprah, was on the Mark & Brian radio show on Friday talking about (what else) better health (He hardly makes the rounds to talk about fashion). He was in LA to get people to root out and throw away anything with parabens in it (shampoo and such. It’s bad for you), but, of course, he had to get in a few words about excess weight. Okay, I am in favor of losing weight, obviously, but it is necessary to emotionally abuse people in the process? Dr. Oz doesn’t intend to be cruel just for the sake of hurting the feelings of strangers, but even over the radio, you can hear the head shaking in his voice. That kind of Ward Cleaver, “Well, boys, I’m just so disappointed in you” tone.  Dr. Oz reeled off all the risks that come from carrying excess weight in just that tone of voice.

Compare and contrast this to “Dances With Fat”, a blog written by Ragen Chastain that focuses on HAES (Health At Every Size). Ms. Chastain is, if I’m comprehending her point, pushing for people to focus more on how people feeling good about themselves regardless of waist circumference and focus more on things like blood pressure and cholesterol, etc. The kind of talk that Dr. Oz was putting forward was what she would call the “Vague future threat” of the consequences of not losing weight. Again, it’s that Ward Cleaver kind of disapproval. Of course, Ms. Chastain would probably chastise me for my “I want to get rid of this shit around my waist “ attitude as capitulating to an unreachable goal. (Bullshit, by the way). While she has an excellent point about how one should talk to oneself about these issues, she can be a bit shrill from time to time. Of course, so can Dr. Oz.

I might as well look upon all of this as an extension of the Presidential electoral process as it is practiced here in the US today. A little over here makes sense, a little over there makes sense, they’re all busy trashing one another (unless it’s trashing the newest guy on the scene or whoever is leading the pack at the moment) and so much screaming to be the one true path that one just goes deaf. And writes in Mickey Mouse.

This is what I know to be true: I want to be physically stronger. The process of getting there helps lessen the risk of things like osteoporosis and injuries from which it may be difficult to heal. I want greater endurance when I do physically active things. There are people, who are diabetic and far out of shape themselves, who feel it is their right to point out my shortness of breath after walking hard and fast and then launch into a sermon on how I need to drop weight. Not only do I want these people TO SHUT THE FUCK UP, but I’m also unhappy about it. It’s a limitation and I’m not a huge fan of limitations. I want better flexibility. Again, helps prevent injuries and removes limitations. Plus, it makes the chiropractor happy. I like my chiropractor.

I want to feel good about what I eat. Or don’t eat. I want to be satisfied (emotionally and physically) with better and less food. I want to feel energetic and healthy from eating the right stuff. While I’ve never had the experience of anyone (well, anyone outside of my immediate family) telling me “You don’t need to eat that” if I have something sweet or fried on my fork, I say it to myself. And that’s a tough one to beat.

I have been told, by more than one source, that it’s necessary to be at peace with oneself in the present in order to push forward and make it stick. There is a lot truth in that. It can be as easy as making up your mind to do so. It can also be as hard as Chinese algebra. If you have been taught (and self-taught) to be unhappy outside of certain parameters, it can be extremely difficult to overcome. The nail that stands up gets hammered down. I have 35- 39 solid years behind me of nagging, shaming and non-stop emotional, verbal pressure “because we love you and just want you to be happy and you can’t possibly be happy looking like that” affecting my attitudes. You can’t be happy with a bunch of people (whom you used to trust until you’ve spent your 10,000 night alone and had plenty of time to think about their motivations and maybe they don’t really have your best interests at heart) telling you that you shouldn’t be happy as you are. It’s a tough beat. Not impossible, but a tough beat. I think I’ll be breaking in my health insurance’s mental health benefits next.

 “Kill Bill, Vol. I” had the scene of The Bride, newly escaped from a 5 year coma and a hospital bed, lying in the back of a truck willing her big toe to move. It was a huge challenge because this woman’s body had not been obeying her brain or her will for years; why should it start now? She persisted in willing her toes to wiggle. Eventually, they did. And eventually, she walked and moved and was able to dispatch the Crazy 88s with a samurai sword. Since they were trying to kill her, the notion has its appeal.

The number between the toes today was the big toe wiggling for The Bride. Still quite a bit of wiggling to go before I can go after the Crazy 88s.

Cleared for Take Off...

185.4  lbs. Yeaaaah, I’ll get to that

So, second session with Dr. Best and he has cleared me for take-off! Popped that right kneecap like a champagne cork (right after he had given up on it, bent the knee and BLAMMO! It actually popped. Loudly. Had I been 12 years old and home among my family again, my older sister would have grossed out completely).  I have done weight training twice since last I saw him and started employing his suggestion (lighter weights, more reps). He confirmed that the back muscles have begun to improve. Just a little bit, but noticeably. I am okay to hit the elliptical again or spinning (I should but it’s SO tedious), but no Rotating Staircase of Death (WAH!) and no flat or downhill sloping treadmill. I learned something from him about the treadmill and joints (and I know I don’t have the quote exactly, but I think I can convey the gist of it): going uphill, the effort/strain/work is being done by the muscles. Flat or downline (decline? Maybe), all the effort/strain/work is on the joints/tendons, vulnerable points that he’s having to adjust. The more you know, right?

Huzzah. Now, it’s a matter of finding the time…

He also tried some acupressure on my sinuses (Ralph the Renegade Sinus is taking hostages again and has tried to recruit Larry the Left Sinus to join his evil plot). Dr. Best was pressing on the bone of the upper eye sockets for a couple of minutes and explained that it should drain the upper ones. Except, I don’t have upper sinuses. If you know an ear, nose and throat doctor you want to confuse, bring me in and have him X-ray my head. And those of you waiting for me to say, “Nothing there”, forget it. I have baffled two different otorhinolaryngologists in this fashion. Two of them.  Anyway, I share this piece of information with Dr. Best and he blurts out, “You’re built weird.” Swear to God; that’s what he said. So much for bedside manner. However, he did show me how to press down on the bone on the lower part of the eye socket (next to the nose. It feels kind of flat) and drain the lower, actual sinuses. It works; I just looked like I had two black eyes for a few hours.

And I am the proud winner (earner) of a Presidential Active Lifestyle Award, faux signed by Drew Brees and Dominique Dawes. It may cheapen it a bit to have to print the damned thing yourself, but I earned it. Active for at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week and for 6 out of 8 weeks.  

Here ‘tis:

At this time last year, I thought it was a vast improvement over the year before becauseat that time, if I walked up and down a flight of stairs twice a day, I thought I was doing far better than I had before. I improved on that.

I need to hold on to that thought. From the lowest low (so far) of 177 lbs., my progress has done a 180 and, well, you see the header. What’s interesting is that old “tapes” have begun playing again. You know, those habits and criticisms and voices you hear or things you tell yourself and have for years. I thought I had broken and buried those attitudes. Nope. I’ve gotten off the scale, looked at what was in the refrigerator and caught myself saying, “To hell with it. Just eat what you want.” The “Great, once again, I’m failing at this” thoughts have begun to surface. This is the point where, 27, 28 years ago, I began eating sweets and too many of them again.

I have made the mistake of subtly complaining about this setback to friends. I say it’s a mistake because, Folks, let’s be honest: nobody likes a whiner. I’ve said so and I mean it. One friend looked at me and said, “You have to be happy about where you are first.”

There is some truth to this for the simple reason that my emotional eating tendencies have been coming back into play. Boredom and on-the-job frustration are big triggers for me (boredom with waiting for document images to download so that I can review them). On the job frustration? I have to sit in VERY bad chairs for hours at a clip to do this job, I’m putting a ton of pressure on myself to excel and falling somewhat short, and so on and so on.  What I said before about old tapes? This is what I mean; no matter how far I may think I am from those old habits, it is downright scary how quickly they’ll come back and ruin my good work.

There is a concept called “synchronicity” (also the title of an album by The Police, but Sting is not part of this discussion) :

Noun: The simultaneous occurrence of events that appear significantly related but have no discernible causal connection.

Now, the way that I understand this, from a New Age/metaphysical standpoint (and yes, I do follow that stuff. “There are more things on Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamed of in your philosophy.” (Shakespeare, Hamlet)), it is the Universe or God or whatever Higher Power you may believe in (should you believe in one) trying to get your attention. On two different radio shows (I listen to a lot of NPR during the day. And podcasts. And baseball games), there was a discussion about food; how fast food companies create and exploit eating triggers and studies on eating and weight loss. I was just looking for them online to provide links but I can’t remember what shows they were (could have been local ones). To wit, eating triggers and fast food. We know but we don’t consciously think about what we see in ads for Burger King or McDonalds or Arby’s, etc. That is, until we’re driving by one and see the signs for whatever the special is that they’re promoting. Trigger installed, then pulled. My ancient trigger is “my mind is not fully occupied, better put something in my mouth.” I have been fighting that particular demon for years. And I just brought in an ally: gum. Sugarless teeth-whitening gum in the large economy pack. I’m going through it at a good clip.

The other piece was pretty much a symphony of “Well, duh”: Eating less is not just a matter of fewer calories. WHAT you’re eating is a huge part of the picture as well. In: veggies,fiber, fruit, whole grains, lean protein, monounsaturated  oil. Out: sugar, refined starch, saturated fatty foods. I will try to find links to those interviews.

I needed to hear these things today. I needed to be reminded of the stuff that I’ve learned that got me as far as I have. And you know, even though I’ve put on 8 unwanted pounds, I’ve come a long way from where I started. Hey, even with the weight gain, I am no longer obese.

My Net Diary, however, is not helping. Because I gave it a weight (125 lbs.) and a goal date (01/10/12), it calculates a recommended calorie intake. Reality check is not part of the programming: today it told me I should eat 875 calories total. To put this in perspective, the Nazis calculated they could feed the concentration camp inmates 800 calories a day and still get a full day’s worth of work out of them. Dr. Best said that if you eat less than about 1200 calories per day, your metabolism slows down as a defense mechanism. This is not the first time I have heard this.

So, this is what we’re going to do:

1.    Take the end date out of My Net Diary for now.

2.    The sugar that has crept into the diet has to be leached out again. I just don’t buy the damned stuff (Hey, look: if our country decided to turn our sugar beet and half the sugar cane output into ethanol, it would be a good thing. As delicious as they are, we really don’t need cheap Snickers bars).

3.    Get back to the strict account keeping of what I’m eating. That kept me honest and on target.

4.    Short term goal: lose 11 lbs. Reward: a trip to the RobB salon in Studio City for a mani/pedi. That place is amazingly clean, it’s an OPI Concept Salon and it’s the best place in LA for mani/pedi. Never mind the place further up Ventura Blvd that has a reality show. I will not use a foot basin that once held Snooki’s feet. No.

5.    Coffee okay (Dunkin Donuts Cinnamon Spice flavored. I have gone to the dark side and voluntarily drink foo foo coffee). Creamer, not okay.

6.    Get back on the big water intake program. It was flushing out my system pretty nicely.

7.    6 to 8 hours sleep per night. Even if I’m not inflicting myself on co-workers, cranky is no way to go through the day; it triggers more emotional eating.

8.    Keep up with the 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week activity level. Just because I got the certificate, doesn’t mean it’s time to give up.

9.    When I get cleared by Dr. Best, get a jump rope. $6 for a good one.

10.  Just relax; who we really are is shown in how we deal with setbacks. I don’t like being a quitting candy-ass. That’s for other women. Ones who, say, don’t know basic American history or pretend their family’s completely normal or like to eat moose nose jerky (Frankly, I think noses are better ON the moose).

It’s almost 9, so about those 6 to 8 hours…

Grounded

182.4 lbs. And the hits just keep on coming.

Yes; I’m still in a crappy mood. Why do you ask?

I have been grounded.  My chiropractor, whom I adore (and is the BEST chiro in the world. Called it. Period. No changing) told me to lay off on the lower body work for a few days due to the warnings given by the right knee on Wednesday. He thinks it’s probably just a muscle strain. I’m thinking “it had better be just that or else somebody somewhere is going to get an earful.”

I worked with Dr. Best years ago when  I 1) was gainfully employed with health insurance and 2) was working with The King as a personal trainer. These two gentlemen (and yes, they ARE gentlemen) consulted with each other and worked out a plan to help me increase the range of motion in my neck without injury and how to go about strengthening and conditioning the rest of the body without undoing Dr. Best’s handiwork. While I was able to work with them, it was dandy.

Jump forward 4 years to today. Upper back turning to cement, bitchy right knee and very bad chairs to sit in for 10-12 hours per day (and not much choice in terms of alternatives). Not to mention the fact that the 10-12 hours a day eats in to my workout time to a supremely annoying degree. This is why I play the lottery. Did I mention I’m in a bad mood? A sustained one? Yeah. The only good thing about being stuck in the damn chair for 10-12 hours per day is that I get to listen to some great podcasts: “Fandom Planet” by Sax Carr and Tim Powers and “X-Aspirations” by Seamus and Candice Colbert, available on ITunes. The former is all about comics, TV shows the boys like (and they’re comedians), the movies based on the comic books and various other things. X-Aspirations is a  thorough and detailed exploration of the X Men universe which is more interesting than the description I just rendered. Seamus is an X Fan of long standing . Candice…is not and she is the surrogate for those of us who have never delved into it.  They  started with the first edition and are working their way through. I find myself longing for the mutant power of waving my hand over the computer and all the input and analysis I need to do to complete my job is done SO I CAN GO TO THE FUCKING GYM AND WORK ON WHAT’S IMPORTANT!!!!

But I digress.

Within 30 second of arriving at Dr. Best’s office, I find out that my left leg is ¼ inch shorter than my right leg. Huh. No problem; this has happened before. Things are going to get yanked back into place. Unfortunately, the words “try to relax” seem to have the opposite effect if you’re in a chiropractor’s office. You know something weird is about to happen.

What caught me by surprise was being told that my back muscles are “thin”, despite the work I’ve been doing on them. And yes, if a machine says it works lats, delts, traps, rhomboids, Herculoids, quadrangles and the odd parallelogram, I will use it. Presses, dips, flies, row, row, row your boat, I’m there. He complimented me on the biceps (even called them “guns.” I may have to ratchet that down a couple of notches), but pointed out that the triceps have not had equal development. I was told that developing and building the back muscles will help make the 10-12 hours in bad chairs less physically torturous.

I was given a change of strategy for the weights as far as upper body work: new plan is to increase repetitions, not so much the weights. So, instead of 15 reps at 60 lbs., 20 reps at 50. I tried that strategy today and right now, my entire back (which really isn’t much of a complainer, really. Except for the 10-12 hours per day in a bad chair) is asking me “What the hell just happened?” Dr. Best told me that I seem to be able to put on muscle pretty easily so I should see (and more importantly feel) results very quickly. The muscle building ability was something to do with testosterone (we all have it) and that would explain the need to pluck chin hairs (You use a magnifying mirror and lighted tweezer – Sally Hansen makes some great ones. Ulta Beauty, about $20. Anyway, the process is “Hunting for Al Qaeda” since you pluck the little bastards out of their hiding places).

The knee: an examination showed that the kneecap is sitting where it should and is attached to what it should be attached to (despite the number of times I have smashed it with substantial force. One morning, I know I will wake up and it will have run away, leaving behind a note in its place that reads “I just can’t take the pain anymore.”) Tentative diagnosis: strained muscles. Okay. I can deal with that. Anything more serious and I am going to be even more irritated than I am right now. I have a game plan, People and these injury detours are not part of it, especially if they represent years of stupid trip and fall accidents. And I do mean stupid. Okay, no cardio for a few days (especially the Rotating Staircase of Death. He was very specific). No lower body weights. Phooey. Here I was ready to get a jump rope and add that to my exercise routine for variety and because (according to Mark and Brian on KLOS) it is one helluva workout. Yeah, not right now. Jumping up and down on a wonky knee? Not really a good idea.

The good news is that he tested my flexibility and found that it to be fantastic (his words, not mine). Here’s an example of why I love this guy, “To get fit, you’re working on three separate aspects: strength, endurance and flexibility. People focus on the strength and endurance, but ignore the flexibility and that’s probably more important than the other two. YOU (meaning me) have great flexibility and that will bring the other ones along in no time.” And, “You’ve already lost well over 40 lbs. I’m excited to be a part of your losing the next 40.” That kind of support, you can forgive a guy for bending you into a pretzel until something pops, right?

Luckily, my health insurance coverage, even for an out of network chiropractic provider, is DANDY. Not so much on the acupuncture front. That will all have to come out of pocket and that’s a big disappointment. See, I credit acupuncture for having started permanent resolution of sinus issues (take that, Ralph the Renegade Right Sinus, you little, blood-filled backed up fucker), improved sleep and control of non-craving driven eating. It would be great to have a deductible I can meet and then clear sailing, but no. Lottery winnings (Oh yes, they will be mine) will, in part, go to an acupuncturist. I love having all that stuff fixed and not being forced to think about it every time I blow my nose and get blood or my image in the mirror looks like Petey the Dog from Our Gang (or the Target dog, but the ring around the eye is black).

But I have really good flexibility. Thanks go to Lila (who was out this week and we had Hans Landa again, instead. I complain solely for comic effect because the lady is an excellent instructor and guides her students into truly deep, gentle and VERY effective stretching. Even more than Lila).

So, Dear Right Knee: you are on notice. I’m still feeling Dr. Best’s thumbprints all over you, but you’re going back to work on cardio and strength training within 48 hours at the latest. I am willing to 86 the treadmill and postpone the jump rope, but this means you’re going to have to be open to spinning or just SHUT UP on the Rotating Staircase of Death. We talked knee brace, remember and I am willing to do that if it will keep you happy. What I will not tolerate are issues that include phrases like “torn”, “damaged ACL”, “arthroscopic” or “physical therapy.” You’ve had it VERY easy for the past 20-30 years. We will not be going skiing, nor are we running a marathon. Since you are now being attended by a doctor on my dime, you will do as I ask of you and you will do it cheerfully and without taking hostages.

Dear Back Muscles: You’ve been served notice. Get with the program. Failure is not an option. Not on my watch.

Don't Poke the Bear

181.2 lbs. Do not poke the bear.

Retraction: in a previous blog, Joe Castiglione was referred to as “the color man” for WEEI’s radio coverage of the Boston Red Sox. It has been pointed out (by someone who was a bit of a hemorrhoid about it, to tell you the truth. He would do well to remember that I have a truckload of frequent flier miles, hotel points and a GPS.  I also have a reputation for doing “things” when provoked. Not naming names, but his wife, whom I like because she has already slugged him once for my benefit, is checking life insurance coverage. Be afraid. Be very afraid) that Joe is “the Voice of the Red Sox.” Well, Joe is the Voice who also works with Dave O’Brien  and combos are usually a play by play man and a color commentator. Apparently not. So, in addition to dealing with short sleep, a slow rolling nosebleed (sinus bullshit. My right eye looks like someone belted me) and things not going my way, weight-wise, Management regrets the error of referring to Joe Castiglione as anything but the Voice of the Red Sox. And Shaws Markets. And though I am not naming names: FYJMYPITA. He’ll take it in stride.

He did redeem himself by sharing a Brussels sprouts recipe that makes the damned things look edible. To wit:

shallow roasting pan, 400F oven. Shallow baking dish (pizza pans work best) and your sprouts cut in half length-wise.

To said sprouts, add about a tablespoon of good olive oil, sea salt & freshly cracked black pepper & toss well.

Roast them for about 25 minutes. Remove from the oven and place into a mixing/ serving bowl and add the juice of half a lemon (or to taste) and any additional S&P you want as well as any stray gahlic you happened to roast off at the same.

Why bother? BS (So appropriate) belong to the cruciferous vegetable (No, I  don’t know what it means unless it’s “makes smelly farts”, but it includes sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower and I THINK broccoli) family and are chock full of health benefits. However (and this is strictly my opinion. There are actually people out there who think they’re wonderful. I believe these people also mourn the passing of New Coke and the AMC Pacer), like most medicine, they taste lousy. And they’re too chewy* (*when I reheated the “steam in a bag” veggie trio by Trader Joe’s that contained the cursed sprouts, sugar snap peas and asparagus,  I did so for the same amount of time I initially cooked them and found the BS much more tender and edible. Just an FYI). Morton’s Steakhouse (what so proudly I hail) sautés them with bacon and shallots and that’s pretty good. I do not have the kitchen facilities to test the above recipe. I ask my readers (and you know who you are) to undertake a test drive and report back with a comment on the blog (the ones out there are getting kind of dusty anyway).

Furthermore, if you’re looking to incorporate more and different veggies, sweet potatoes are also your friend. Truckload of nutrients.I got a couple of sweet potato planks (baked, I think) from Whole Foods a couple of weeks ago and they had been treated with orange (like orange zest added before baking). Good Golly Miss Molly, but that is fantastic stuff! I like sweet potatoes with butter and salt, butter and cinnamon but adding orange is an ascent to heaven. Paul Simon asking Art Garfunkel to sing with him, adding chocolate to peanut butter or Paul Newman and Robert Redford together kind of harmony. There are recipes at Allrecipes  that have you assemble an orange juice, cinnamon and margarine kind of glaze, but the ones  I ate didn’t seem glazed. I’ve gotten to a point where I’ll eat sweet potato fries (can’t tell you the last time I ate ANYTHING fried) over white potato fries. Somewhere, a small corner of Idaho just died.

I have a brand new health insurance card and brand shiny new health insurance, which is good because I had to cut today’s cardio short on account of my right knee. I have bashed the bejesus out of my right kneecap over the years and I get low level discomfort from time to time (since it is neither chronic nor searing pain, I just “walk it off”). Today, however, after weight training (and I’m slowly shifting from the pulley Nautilus type machines to free weights. More on that in a different blog, okay?), I got on the treadmill for an hour walk and within 10 minutes got a “Bitch, take 5 more steps and I’ll have you in the emergency room” sensation from the right knee. I stopped (not willingly) because when you get an unmistakable sign like that, you don’t argue. I’m not limping, but it’s still grumpy down there.

Yesterday, we had a substitute yoga teacher (Lila is injured). Remember Hans Landa, the little British lady?  (Reread the old post)Yep. She was back. Truthfully, I like her a lot; she has a knack for getting you into the deepest possible stretches and then just a wee bit more. We did a series of One Legged Dog into Warrior on one side, then she said, “We can ignore the left side, but you’d be limping.” I may have overworked the knee yesterday, plus the fact that I tend to sit here with my legs crossed, right over left and that puts on pressure the joint doesn’t like. I will let the chiropractor have the first shot at it on Friday.

This does not please me. I had managed to clear the decks, work and time-wise, so that I could indulge in a Monster Burn day (Weight training, all major muscle groups plus two hours of two different kinds of cardio).  I was going to do just that when interrupted. Once again, it will be necessary for the brain and the body to have a conversation about who’s in charge (and yes, I remember the old dorm room poster from the mid-seventies about the various body parts wanting to be boss and the asshole shut down  and after a couple of days, the rest of the body decided it was boss, so you don’t need to be smart to be a boss, just an asshole). There is a plan. There are instructions being followed and, having been told all my life I fall short in the “following directions” category, I expect (reasonably, I believe) to get the promised results when I actually do follow directions.

I’ll sign off with this question for you to ponder: why does the free weight section at the gym smell like Brussels Sprouts?

What's Small and Green and Isn't a Leprechaun?

181.8 lbs. It’s not 177 lbs., but I’ll take it.

So yesterday, Friday, August 5, 2011, I listened to my own advice and pushed past a couple of my own “limits.”

Limit One Busted:

I completed 1 hour on the Rotating Staircase of Death. 140 floors. This is higher than the Empire State Building and higher than the late World Trade Center. I did it at a slow pace but I did it (It helps that the built in TV was showing my favorite “Law & Order” episode, the one where Lennie and Ed end up investigating 4 murders and a kidnapping in one day. It sounds kind of dark and heavy, but it’s actually pretty funny. I’ve decided that Law & Order reruns are to my age group what “Matlock” and “Murder She Wrote” are to the age group 15 to 20 years older than me). I was going to follow it up with an hour on the elliptical or the treadmill, but fell the call of duty (files to be reviewed), not to mention a Red Sox game (playing the Yankees aka the Forces of Darkness aka the Pinstriped Damned) in Fenway to hear. The good guys lost (they won today in splendid form. Jacoby Ellsbury is such a nice boy, 6 RBIs) but there’s an interesting kind of side note here.

Shaw’s supermarket chain of New England is a big sponsor of Red Sox radio coverage and Joe Castiglione, the Red Sox color commentator, is an enthusiastic Shaw’s shopper. You don’t need to get the weekly circular from the newspaper; Joe almost tells you what the specials are. Last night, Joe and his partner, Dave O’Brien, had the chief nutritionist (I couldn’t swear as to her title, but she knew what she was talking about) for Shaws as a guest in the booth.  Shaws just introduced a new program called Nutrition IQ to help shoppers make better, more informed choices about the foods they buy. Color coding not only tells you what the nutrients are, but what they do for your body. Granted, most people will just stare blankly at the signs or ignore them so completely that they won’t even register on their consciousness, but if you’re reading this , the chances are good that you, too would think this is a great idea. The example she gave was bananas. Now, people tell you it’s good to eat bananas because they have potassium and we need potassium. Fine. WHY do we need potassium? (And you smart alecks who have studied organic chemistry or bio-chemistry or just think you’re Hermione Granger, keep your hands down. It’s a rhetorical question, anyway). Do we just go forward in life blindly eating bananas (or oranges or parsley) for the potassium without questioning WHY we should have potassium? Hell, no! We are independent thinkers! Well, my friends, potassium is good for us because it helps control blood pressure. It’s an electrolyte and you know when you get muscle cramps? Potassium helps ease those suckers (Please note: bananas do not help with menstrual cramps unless they are first blended with a lot of rum. Quite a lot). According to the information I got from the radio last night, the sign next to the bananas will not only tell you that they’re a good source of potassium, but also that potassium regulates your blood pressure. Here’s a link for more information on the program:

http://www.shaws.com/healthy-eating/nutrition-iq.jsp

I know I repeat myself, but the primary purpose of food is to provide the nutrients we need to keep our bodies functioning properly. The way I look at this is that a pound of tomatoes is a lot cheaper than a month’s supply of Lipitor or Crestor or Plavix or _______ med and you don’t need a prescription for them. Here you’re going to get the information at the source.

The first, last and only person you can ever really count on to have your best interests at heart and take care of you is yourself. I despise the term but “self-parenting” applies.  As the grown-up in the relationship, it’s necessary for you to make the right decisions and enforce them. Personally, I find it a lot easier to not only make the right choice, but to stick to it if I have all the information I need to make a sound decision. Here’s to hoping that Nutrition IQ spreads to Krogers, Safeway and Albertsons (aka Ralphs, Vons and Albertsons, their stage names in Southern California). The ancient knight in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (“We named the dog Indiana”) said, “You have chosen wisely.” That dude was 619 years old, so he may have been making good use of Nutrition IQ.

Limit Two, Not So Much Busted as Well…

As part of the “eat healthier” quest, which includes making plant matter the main source of food (I am a dedicated carnivore. My maximum is 3 days without meat before something dark and primitive at the back of my head says, “Get me prime rib and get it NOW.”) , I picked up the Vegetable Trio at Trader Joe’s the other day. It consists of sugar snap peas, asparagus and (gulp) Brussels sprouts. The sign under the bags at TJ’s  promised me “nuttiness and sweetness in a delightful blend”(You know, I’ve heard a lot of adjectives used to describe Brussels sprouts. “Delightful” has never been one of them). Asparagus has never been anywhere near the top of my vegetable list, either. In fact, its standing in my world is similar to my standing when graduating law school: bottom 20%. It’s down there with Brussels sprouts. Our dog, Max, was a bigger fan of asparagus than I was. However, I do like peas. A lot. One out of three. In baseball, a .333 batting average is a league leader. I know that Brussels sprouts are loaded with nutrition:

http://www.healthdiaries.com/eatthis/11-health-benefits-of-brussels-sprouts.html

Asparagus has anti-cancer benefits, detoxifies the body, contains folate, blah, blah, blah.

I was not about to be intimidated by a miniature cabbage and its sidekick, no matter how evil. I followed the directions on the bag (cut corner, throw in microwave and steam), got the butter (LIGHT butter, 60 calories per tablespoon. Don’t have a cow) and black pepper (PLENTY of black pepper) standing at the ready and poured out a bowl. I dug up a bite containing the dreaded greens.

I lived. There actually WAS a nuttiness to the asparagus (which I had NEVER tasted growing up. What the hell?) and the peas were great. The Brussels sprouts, well…

Here’s a recommendation for a great book: “Good Omens” by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. The premise is that the Anti-Christ gets misplaced at birth and grows up as a normal kid. It’s hilarious, trust me.  Even if you read it 5 times like I have; it’s still funny as hell each time. You will learn that all cassette tapes (okay, so it’s a wee bit dated) left in a car’s tape deck will turn into “Queen’s Greatest Hits.” One of the minor characters is a British psychic who, when she has clients coming in for a reading, will put a pot of Brussels sprouts on the stove to boil, thereby creating a comforting, homey atmosphere that puts British people at ease.

My family hasn’t been British for almost 400 years.

 Nevertheless, because they are good for me, I ate the Brussels sprouts. I still don’t like them: it’s a texture thing and it’s the same for collard greens as far as I’m concerned: I find myself chewing them for what seems like hours before they’re ready to swallow. They’re tougher than Boston hockey players (or disappointed Canucks fans). I hear people exclaiming over their “sweetness” if roasted or deep-fried or whatever. Because I want the nutritional benefits, I will find a way to make peace with them.

The “reward” for these feats was the lower number on the scale this morning. Before I dug in on my workload today, I hit the gym for weight training. I am happy to report that I have completed 4 of the required 6 weeks to qualify for the President’s Active Lifestyle Award and have a good start for Week 5. Half hour per day, 5 days per week, 6 out of 8 weeks during this summer. I have been wearing my unearthed “smaller person” jeans regularly (Yea!) and I find I’m getting back on track as far as motivation (that’s what boosting dopamine and serotonin levels in the head will do for you). Diet-wise (as in nutrition, not calorie restriction, although more mindful eating habits, portion control and better food choices certainly play a part), things are getting much better.

I will succeed. I just wish Brussels sprouts weren’t such a good idea.

               

Cue Journey

180.8 lbs. and has been…for days.

No, I did not hit the Bollywood cardio dance class last night as I wanted. Something to do with a headache making bedtime not much later than dusk.

“Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey has been getting a lot of attention lately (Some list made it the Best Rock Song of All Time. Or something like that. No, I don’t hate the song. Keep reading). I’ve needed to hear it, I guess.

I’ve been spiking and stalling. Not my favorite thing. Being a responsible adult and working a job has pretty much zapped my workout schedule. To be honest, I knew 2-3 hours 6 days a week wasn’t sustainable with a normal work schedule (C’mon, Lottery). I’ve been skimping on rigorous honesty with respect to My Net Diary and food intake (mostly because it’s been whittling down my caloric intake. If it gets to negative numbers, I don’t know how THAT’S going to work). I want to SUCCEED at this project, dammit. Failure is not an option, goes the line. And “Not on my watch.” Well, the only watch IS mine, so it’s on me if I want to succeed.

Where does “Don’t Stop Believing” fit in? I need to believe I can do this in order to keep plugging away. I need to not view spikes and plateaus as opportunities or, at least, not as setbacks. Or, not as personal attacks by mysterious forces that don’t want me to be thinner. That’s preposterous: Nobody wants me to fail. At least, no one I know. My gang is very supportive (both close by and those off in distant lands like New Hampshire and North Carolina). Hold on to that feeling.

Despite not being back down to 177 (That’ll happen again), I got into my size 13 Calvin Klein jeans tonight. There’s a victory: I have retaken territory.

I got a fresh dose of inspiration: a friendly acquaintance of mine has written a comic book series and tonight was a signing event for the fourth issue (I’ve got ALL the issues and they’re ALL signed). Okay: here’s a guy who had an idea for a comic book series. I have ideas for lots of things but not many of them come to fruition. But Daniel Corey saw “Moriarty: The Dark Chamber” all the way through from concept to reality (it’s really good, too). I don’t know what’s involved in creating, assembling, editing and actually publishing a comic book, but I imagine it’s not simple. And here, someone I know manifested an idea into reality.

Thomas Edison said, “Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.” In my case that’s literally the truth as I am undertaking a physical fitness improvement program. My favorite actor is George Clooney and he was in a string of failed pilots and VERY short-lived series before he became an “overnight success.” The man started in the business in 1982 and didn’t “hit” until 1994, so unless he was spending the night on Neptune, it wasn’t overnight. He has also spoken of the necessity of persistence to be a success.

Right now, the short term goal is to get back down to the lowest weight I’ve been so far, 177 lbs. Achieving that will be its own reward. Of course, I need some bras (are the cups half empty or half full? They no longer runneth over. It’s a free market. Maybe I could rent out the extra space).

Today, I didn’t make it to the gym (but I have completed 4 of the 6 weeks of activity needed for the President’s Active Lifestyle Achievement Certificate). That’s okay: I didn’t mindlessly graze all day, so there’s a victory. And tomorrow, maybe I can pull back together with my old zeal (well, 6 month old zeal).

Dear Fitness Gods: Look I’m not asking to wake up smokin’ hot tomorrow. I’m 50 and realistic. Give me the strength to resist temptation, the will to do what I must and show me in some way, that I’m making progress every day. Let me see it or feel. Thank you.

“Every day’s a new deal, you know?” – Harvey Pekar

Movin' Along

180.8 lbs. Spike plus plateau broken.

And the blood blister on the big toe is rapidly fading, so the après dance class post on Tuesday night will cover the class from one who can actually finish the damned thing. Order is being restored to my personal Universe.

1.       Torpor: A state of mental or physical inactivity or insensibility.

2.   Lethargy; apathy.

“Endless football + couch + Bud Light induces a state of torpor in Bill every Sunday.”

According to the Law of Attraction, I am calling these spikes and plateaus to myself by virtue of the fact that they bug me so much. I should therefore not take them personally and, “Oh, dear, well, let me focus on something else and it’ll go away.”

This is ME we’re talking about. I do not claim to have OCD but I do know that when something catches my attention, like a spike and plateau, my brain gnaws and paws at it like a Schnauzer with a marrow bone. And neither one of us lets go until the object of our attention is picked clean. I’m an American and I think one of the things that distinguishes an American is that we believe the problem doesn’t exist that can’t be solved, especially if there’s duct tape handy (In my case, over the mouth to prevent food from getting in. Also makes a very cheap facial hair removal system). And, of course, 6 lbs. gained and held for 13 days claims some serious attention.

My conclusions: my exercise program, once at 2-3 hours per day 6 days per week was seriously disrupted and shrunk and I didn’t adjust my caloric intake accordingly. I was also eating stuff that “didn’t agree with me,” not so much in terms of stomach upset, but in terms of adverse effect on my system. I had been feeling “full” all the time, a bit bloated and like things were not functioning at full efficiency. These are indicators that your body is not dealing well with the type of food you’re ingesting.

Time to adjust. Again. Sugar DEFINITELY out and now, all grains are out. We’ll see what that does.

I’ve also started a semi-annual Bowel Cleanse (Yeah, this is gross, but making sure that your gut is in good working order is a FANTASTIC idea). It’s a two formula program (made by a company in Marina Del Ray) that gets the smooth muscle of the intestines working again to (ahem) “move things along” and uses a charcoal, pectin, bentonite clay blend to absorb and remove toxins. This is NOT a weight loss shortcut: I have done this cleanse several times and never had significant weight loss. What it does is make me feel “lighter” (for want of a better word), make me feel like my digestive tract is working better ,faster, more efficiently and make me feel better, not so sluggish and my skins clears up (great barometer, your skin.  It’ll tell you if something’s amiss. Think of a zit as the Sarah Palin version of  Paul Revere shootin’ guns and ringin’ bells. And, in this case, YOU are the British and heed the warning to nip that shit in the bud). Again, no weight loss during the cleanse period (5 days), but getting rid of retained waste is always beneficial. There’s a reason your body doesn’t want to keep that stuff.

I’ve also advocated for adding fiber supplements (Like fiber gummies) and acidophilus/bifidous regularis to the diet. I like a good cheeseburger as much as the next carnivore, but I know that they’re calorie-dense, loaded with saturated fat and hard to digest. Added fiber and “good gut” bacteria (plus drinking those 8 glasses of water per day you’re always hearing about) helps your body cope with the heavier load. (Look, I’m not a scientist or nutritionist, okay? I just know what works for me, what makes me feel better).

I got the chance on Friday to finish my work a lot earlier than usual so that I could get to the gym at a time more to my liking: no issues with getting to weight equipment, no lines for cardio equipment. I had noticed that lately, I’ve been going through the weight training than I had when I started out  (45-50 minutes instead of 60-75 minutes). Same number of sets and reps, but it is my understanding that working more slowly is more of a challenge. I want the greater challenge; my muscles need the extra work. We have about 20 years of torpor (And you thought I wasn’t going to use it in a sentence) to overcome and with the slacking off of exercise, they need to be reminded who’s boss (my brain is such a control freak).  Saturday was welcome soreness (lactic acid burn; drink water to flush it out) and the drop on the scale.

Back on track.