Sunday, August 19, 2012

25 Things to Love About Being American

A Bunch of  Things to Love About Being American (in  no particular order):

1) It’s hot here in Southern California today (not as bad as some parts of the country have been, to be sure. Hey, global warming doubters? Suck it): I’m not required to wear head to toe covering. I CAN if I want to, but it’s also acceptable to be in public in shorts, tank top and flip flops (Yes, Mom, I showered, did my hair and applied mascara first).
2) Hot dogs
3) I’m relieving the heat with a Dark & Stormy (DARK rum and ginger beer). Well, sort of. I don’t have Gosling’s Black Seal Rum, which is the quill for Dark & Stormies.
4) I can say “Fuck the Yankees” without censorship. I could also say the same thing about the IRS, Republican ticket and the Dallas Cowboys, if I so choose. 
5) The tire store was open today. Technically, if the business was hardcore “Christian” , it would have been closed today.(seriously, if you’re going to shut down for the Christian Sabbath – Sunday – but give money to organizations that promote intolerance, your “Christianity” deserves to be questionable. Christ didn’t have limits). I got some necessities for the home, my lunch for the week and  accomplished some stuff because of the still putative secular nature of our society.
6) Immigrants who have brought their food, God bless them: burritos (although I don’t eat them), avgolemono soup, bubble tea, kappa maki sushi with avocado (it’s cucumber and avocado. I like it.  A lot). Ropa viejai. It’s all good.
7) Shark Week on Discovery Channel.
8) “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart”
9) Dog News. It parodies Fox News and in America, nobody gets locked up. They have an ongoing series called “Stump” that parodies the Presidential election process. Pussy Riot just got locked up in Russia for mocking Putin. How long do you think Dog News would have lasted?
10) I’m 51, unmarried and it’s okay.  Actually, I’m renting from a great, laid-back lady and her dog and cat love me. Life is good.
11) I can get a drink of clean water just by turning on the faucet.
12) My most involved discussion today was divided into the relative merits of Tide Boost v. Oxi-Clean and the Tide Pen v. Shout Wipes (Shout Wipes rule).
13) My neighborhood isn’t  getting shelled by government forces. It’s not getting shelled by rebel forces. It’s not getting shelled, period.
14) Bacon. No limits (and yes, according to Steve Kamb, , it’s on the Paleo Diet). 
15) I can live anywhere I want in the USA. I chose Southern Cal. 
16) We get to choose what newspapers to read, TV channels to watch, food to eat and teams to support. Suck it, Yankees, Giants (football), Rays, Cowboys, Lakers, Jets (NY or Winnipeg) Canadiens (Habs), Heat and especially the fuckin’ Yankees.
17) Even if the tax rate goes back up to 39.6 (Clinton-era rates. They worked, by the  way), I can afford to support myself. 
18) Classic rock radio stations. And if I get sick of listening to them, there are about 10,000 other different things I can listen to FOR FREE on the radio  (not including Sirius).
19) I’m free to eat barbecued ribs/chops/pig.
20) If I get sick of  being a Congregational Protestant, I can choose to follow another faith without government interference.
21) If I decided to drive to Disney World in Orlando, FL (Disneyland being about 2 miles down the road), I can do it without having to get approval from any government or even have papers other than a driver’s license, registration and proof of insurance (if the state requires it). It’s A Small World. We are free to move about the country (except for the unintended consequences of SB 1070 in Arizona. Hey, Jan Brewer, Governor of Arizona, to enforce your stupid fucking law without racial profiling, I’LL have to carry my passport in case I’m stopped in Sedona. You fucking stupid bitch, you. And that’s another thing I love about America. I can call the Governor of a sovereign state  a fucking stupid bitch without official consequence). I could leave the country if I so chose. Hey, Rush Limbaugh: you SAID you’d move to Costa Rica if Affordable Health Care was upheld. Need help packing”
22) State fairs that experiment with the limits of deep frying, even if I don’t indulge. What[‘s his name, Abel _____ in Texas who deep fries damned near everything for the Texas State Fair?  Go for it, Dude.  You’re earning a damned fine living.
23) We got a fucking SUV on Mars. Yeah, Bitch, MARS.
24) It is written into the Constitution that the sins of the father will not be held against the offspring (Madoffs, Mansons, Bushes). It’s also written into the Constitution that nobody foreign born will be President (and that was specifically to screw over Alexander Hamilton, the guy on the $10 bill, born in Jamaica). Hey birthers: He proved it. Shut the fuck up.
25) I can write a list like this without interference. 

1 comment:

Keep it civil.