Friday, September 30, 2011

Up From the Depths...

183.6 lbs. Annoyed sigh coupled with disgusted snort BUT…

Wednesday was not a fun day for those of us in Red Sox Nation. Not for Braves fans, either, I expect. However, pitchers and catchers report to spring training in 4 months. Hope springs eternal. And suck it, Yankees.

Having felt so good after Monday’s Monster Burn (which did not result in the 5 lb. loss I experienced the first time I did it) and having finished my work in plenty of time, I resolved for Wednesday to outdo Monday and ramp it up to a Godzilla Burn (1 hour of weight training + 3 hours of cardio) provided the gym wasn’t over-crowded. That’s the beauty part of being me: too stupid and self-deluded to realize my limitations so I go ahead with the plan anyway.

I didn’t make it to 3 hours of cardio. Before the chorus of “Awwws” (save those for pictures of kittens. Kittens make me go “Awww.” I need a real home so I can have a kitty. Maybe 2), let me tell you what I DID manage to do.

1 hour of weight training, excluding the machines that were out of order.

2 hours on the elliptical, keeping the heart rate in the “fat burning” range. Knee was holding up fine (upper back was cranky, but that means the trapezius muscles have earned themselves more sessions with the rowing. This is tough lover for acting out). And yes, I made sure nobody was waiting for the machine before I started the second hour.


45 minutes on the stationary bike. The only thing that kept me from knocking out the additional 15 minutes on the bike was the fact that the seat was so damned uncomfortable. It’s bad enough for a woman, but you know, you don’t hear about Tour De France riders having big families. I don’t think Lance Armstrong had testicular cancer so much as squashed McNuggets. I TRIED to tough it out, but my keyster has its limits.

According to My Net Diary, this was good for over 2,000 calories burned. Hoo wah!

Today was a session with Dr. Best who is VERY pleased with my knee (Look out, Rotating Staircase of Death) and knocked over by the King Kong Burn (Not quite Godzilla, but bigger than your basic, generic, vanilla Monster Burn. I’ve seen “King Kong versus Godzilla.” Godzilla kicked Kong’s hairy ass all over Tokyo). He tested muscles and flexibility and gave me his blessing to continue working out to this level, cautioning me to stay hydrated (my lumbar region was cramping up on me. He didn’t find anything wrong and, using the easiest fix first principle, suggested that dehydration may be the culprit. It’s the Great American Fix: “Just Add Water.” Or duct tape).

I can do this. With sufficient access to the equipment, I can kick Godzilla’s ass. And my own in the process. Granted, this is not an everyday thing, but I can do it when the opportunity presents. And I have lost enough weight that I can take the San Diego Wildlife Park Zipline Tour, which I REALLY want to do. Anybody want to go with me? COMMENT!!!

What I cannot do (YET) is a push up. Marine Corps, girlie, Rocky Balboa, Pilates, Chadaranda, judo or plain, I cannot yet complete 1 push up. However, I promise you this: I’m not going to hit my original weight deadline (even with the stomach flu from Hell and THAT’S not going to happen because I got my flu shot. This year’s flavor is H1N1. Your insurance most likely covers it and you can stroll into Rite Aid or CVS to get one. I HIGHLY recommend it. Out of pocket? $27.95, but that’s cheap compared to losing 5 days’ pay because you’re too sick or risking the hatred of your co-workers because you infected them. Remember: I dislike false economy) but I WILL complete a push up by December 31,2011, as God is my witness and I will be ready to take down any and all zombie Girl Scouts that come my way (weird, scary dream and particularly memorable).

I can’t wait for tomorrow to get here so I can hit the gym again and successfully complete a Godzilla Burn. The Big Green Guy breathed fire. If I hit that damned bike for an hour, oh, I’ll have fire coming out of me all right, but…

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