Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Bits and Pieces

187.8 lbs. Okay, I think we need to get clear on what it means to bust a plateau. Going in the opposite direction is not what I had in mind.

GWB: Great White Belly, George W. Bush. Hmm. I don’t like either one. Coincidence? I think not.

To the woman who attempted to use and flush an entire box of toilet seat covers: If you are that fearful of germs, perhaps you should just remain in your plastic bubble.

To the sister of the woman who was on the elliptical machine next to me: Ma’am, we’ve never met, but I am truly sorry to hear about your raging yeast infection and money problems. In case you haven’t heard it already, your sister thinks you’re lazy and she’s not going to loan you any more money despite your gross infection.

1.2 lbs. up overnight. Obsession is not just a lousy fragrance by Calvin Klein. I am told that it’s food that your body has not processed yet. If I made my body work 1733 calories yesterday, then something is slowing down the works. The only things I’ve changed since last week (foodwise) are the CORRECT amount of flaxseed oil (2 grams v. the 20 I was ingesting) and the new brand of protein powder. We’ll give it until the end of the week and then decide whether to keep it or ditch it.

Today was yoga with Lila and gym management was on patrol to remove those who weren’t participating in the class. Before anyone gets huffy out there: If you behave like a child, expect to be treated accordingly.

With the weight training and cardio, I’m seeing performance improvement. As far as I can tell, I haven’t really improved in yoga (and in fact, today Plank utterly killed my shoulders. They had better recover in time for tomorrow’s weight training session). Lila, was demonstrating the “Balance on One Foot While Holding the Other One Extended” pose (I have no idea what the Sanskrit translation for THAT is, but I’ll bet it’s as long as a Thai or Sri Lankan last name. Or Welsh village), when someone asked about how long it took to develop enough flexibility to do that. She smiled and said, “Oh, maybe a thousand years.” Ah HA! So it’s not just me.

We’ve all seen the footage of a newborn foal getting to its feet and wobbling about for the first time. However, within a day or two, it’s pretty sturdy and maybe even playing with other youngsters in the paddock. The improvement comes from the legs getting stronger which also improves balance.

I know that my legs are stronger than when I started yoga in April. I would think there would be a corresponding improvement in balance. I have yet to see it. They tremble and I fall over very quickly. It takes longer for particles to travel through the Large Hadron Collider.

I refuse to be defeated by my own body. I WILL get to Tree Pose and whatever the hell you call the Grab Your Big Toe and Hold Your Leg in the Air Poe.

Dr. Oz interviewed mothers and obese children today. I only caught part of the show, but there was a woman in the audience who represents a No Fat Kids group. One of the mothers on stage was talking about the difficulties of raising an obese child and how they “stick out” if the other kids are getting treats and the fat kid doesn’t. The No Fat Kids woman wants the issue to be treated as child abuse. That’s a bit extreme. However, to the lady who can’t say “No” to her child, in the case of “every other kid gets ice cream but mine”: Hey, Lady. If your child was diabetic, would you allow her to have the ice cream just so she wouldn’t feel self-conscious? How about allergic or lactose intolerant? Would you ignore those conditions so your kid is socially acceptable? You know what? Tell the kid no ice cream so she’ll have something to tell the therapist.

I am working up the courage to take pictures in my gym clothes to post. I have shoulders that would not shame me in an off the shoulder dress. The arms aren’t flapping so much. These moments must be recorded for posterity.

By the way, my birthday is Wednesday, June 1 and I’d still like to punch Jillian Michaels in the face. I’ll be fair and not wear my biggest rings, but if someone could arrange that, I’d appreciate it and so would a number of other people.

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